h O o d h o t e r m - the code

Scene 1: That busy ant is feeling sad and left out despite her busy day juggling work task, from one place to another. She have been trying to be a Queen and start her own colony with a perfect mate..Until now her dream is just a dream..Everything are fine, so what is wrong with this ant..Maybe she should stop worrying about her work..Or maybe she need to take a break..Wait for another season for perfect timing to build her own nest...
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Sometimes we think that life is not fair, the world is not fair..We expect things come our way just easily with no obstacle..Just closed our eyes and the wish will be granted..How simple and easy life could be if its just as simple as that. I believe that there is a reason of all this..Even though deep down inside I hope and hope everyday that one day that good news will be mine. Everyday is a countdown..The clock is ticking, time passed by..And its just the same..

Precious gift will come at a perfect time planned by Him, no matter how well we try to make it happen.

Maybe I need to look in different perspective, look into spiritual side rather than physical, anatomy, medical or psychology..Pray harder and be positive.

I'm lucky to have him who are supportive and understanding..

Not-a-masterpiece

A group of ants just come out from their hiding place and are now busy working around collecting stuff for the new season. The leader of the working group is cracking her head to come out with a better and effective plan to speed up their work..she work and work until she can't fall asleep and if she did, it was just a short one after the first few hours interrupted by nightmare....

That busy ant is me with thinking hat..been so busy since last month juggling too many things at one time...its the time of the year where things are moving faster than before,project which were so slow last year are now speeding up..not one but almost all..driving every week to Malacca has made me an expert tour guide..Alor Gajah, Bukit Katil, Bukit Beruang, Old town, Linggi, Ramuan China Besar, Pengkalan Balak..tiring but its worth it to see all those hardwork, effort and idea are now become reality, not only nice to look at on paper..(I wonder how the master designer of Giza felt upon completion of that masterpiece..?) ...they just want us to keep on wondering about their creation..clever..

Dreamland.......

I just need a good sleep................

Long distance relationship

I still remember them, still remember their warm hospitality and sacrifice..I know that it has been almost eight month now since our visit last year. Hubby and I sometimes still talking about them, cherish every moment we spend there..laugh at every jokes..and I did cry alone when I think about them. It is just a communication breakdown..long distance relationship.

Does it mean that we forgot someone when we didn't even give one phone call? Money and technology are not a problem, its all about 'language'.

Mama (my father in law) called hubby this morning and told him that Bhod Babu and their family keep asking about us and why we never call..not even once..? Why hubby and I never talk to them again...?

Language is a tool and sometimes become a barrier (what an excuse)..I only know few words and sentence, and hubby is not fluent compared to his brother. Benggali language is different from Hindi, I came across a grammar book for Hindi but not Benggali..

When we were in Calcutta, Mama and Mami will be our interpreter..I tried to speak and learn from one of the menantu there and jot down few words for my own reference, I even sketch a picture and ask their niece and nephew to help me with vocab..
Ghour = house, lal = red, upper = upstairs, mas = fish, chinglimas = prawn, bas = enough, kemano ha so = how are you?, balo ache = i'm fine, chota = small....see how poor I am..Spent 11 days and only few words that I grab..:-(
There are times that I simply speak bahasa Malaysia because I could not fine and construct any sentence..so we ended up being 'ayam dengan itik'..and sign language were useful at that time...

I understand how they feel..when you have a family who stay very far and could only meet once in 5 years, Mama left Calcutta when he was only small..in his early adolescent, left his family and relatives but I know his heart is still there. Each visit is like a final visit, we never know when will we meet again..isn't it sad..




Tonight will be the night, we will call them..shame on us..
maybe I should list down what to ask in Benggali with a translation, but what if they ask me back things that are not in my list..Hubby said: "cakap je apa-apa, dalam english pun takpe.." Come on, you can do it, this is not an examination..!!

I got 2A, 1B for my Bahasa during Oral Exam (SPM), 3A for English..so now I still have to learn new language, not one but two..going back to Penang and I shall tune to Tamil..(yena?, yare?,ayo yo ..;-)

Reality world of architecture

Alhamdullillah..things went smoothly after so many hard work and frustration. The next step is preparing myself and set a timeframe from now until 2007, the journey need to be continued, I just passed few obstacle and more to come...definitely.
Being in a male dominated industry makes people like me need to push forward harder, wiser with strategic plan and being competitive at the same time, but woman are just woman..the way we perceived things and handle stress are different, while male counterpart could just forget about it, we on the other side still thinking about it.

Creativity wise woman are at par but when it comes to technical stuff, we need to absorb more (not to generalise). I'm talking from my own personal experience where I always have the feeling of being just like them,competent, creative, independent..intelectual, rational etc..and the list goes on. Some people said that woman should have a better design flair due to our nature which are sensetive, loving and caring but the reality is way too far, being just creative or come out with excellent design is not enough. This scope is bigger than just drawing and sketching, it's a combination of art and sciences. The art of managing ourselves, communicating with clients and consultants, handling complaints and comment on our design are the elements which we hae to deal with and the sciences of it comes in technology of construction, methodology and production. Public perception to our profession are from what they see at the outer layer, where they think that it is glamourous, professional, well and highly paid..and mass media help to build this perception in tv commercial and movie.

In the last century, architect are master builder, mr-know-it-all, from fine art-design-detailing-engineering-anatomy-landscape-interior..people like Leornado Da Vincci,Raphael. Design and building requirement are different, specialiased field were limited and the client were less demanding.

Current world is more challenging, we can't just wait and see and accept whatever come our way, we need to move out and explore more, we are no longer inventor but much more like a copycat..study other peoples design, change a bit to suit the site, budget and design brief..

Since this is what I choosed to be, I will go for it..no matter what.

Roller coaster ride..

Things happen for a reason, life is not always turn out the way we want it to be.Sometimes the best thing could come out from what we thought bitter to swallow. Last week I was on a roller coaster ride at more than 110mph..feels like screaming out loud but my voice stuck half way my throat..blood rushed to my face..No, I wasn't at Genting or any fun fair, but stuck with b@$#^* people who never understand or bother to follow rules and regulation, and never want to admit their mistakes.

Here I go again talking about my work..but I just want to share it and make people undestand. Some people think that money could buy anything, maybe it has become a culture now in order to get fast approval they will go to that extend..buying and selling dignity. Following the right path to our destination is no longer required in this so called money-oriented-world, if you know other alternative access even though it is illegal, you just go that way..and to make it worst people behind the door would simply allow these people in and leaving the rest who used the old path to keep on waiting and waiting..until only God knows..it is not fair for the later who try to follow rules that has been set out. Is it fair for people who try to be on right track to take all the blame for not going off track like what they did...

To this people, local authority are just people who wants to grab some opportunity and easy money. Maybe some, but we can't generalized just because of one bad apple..

It almost passed my limit, I've been compromising a lot, following what they want..things are not in order, insufficient document, rules has been bend, and left only on paper..and I don't want to look like fool when I have to present things which is incomplete,half way done and everything totally jumble up..like rojak, pasembor, fruit cake....

It has cloud my life the whole weekend, thinking about what might happen today. I have projected what could turn out and after Subuh prayer I just pray for the best, I will take whatever come my way..even if I were given to take it or leave it.

Alhamdulillah..now its 5.40pm..I've overcome the obstacle, I've choosed my path and at the same without leaving any negative impact on anybody...its worth it to be patience and leave it the Almighty to open the path..
I will proceed working on it but on my own way!

Misleading route

Gospel of Judas:
I watch National Geographic Investigation on manuscript that believed as Gospel of Judas, and a team of expert and scholars were trying to proof that those are authentic manuscript. The way they reconstruct the whole story plot from where the gospel has been found,black market of antiquity, technique of carbon dating and putting these fragile papyrus paper together was great and outstanding with help of technology and of course big budget have been allocated for this investigation.

Gospel of Judas was thrown away by orthodox church who believed that Judas has betrayed Jesus and he was responsible for his suffering..This is the reason that they believes this gospel was hidden for a purpose of burying the truth of what really happen after the last supper.. As we all know there are too many version of testament, everything has been revised to suit personal interest. After the death of Jesus, there were gospel of Mark, Luke, Matthew (to name a few)that has been used.

For centuries Judas (pronounced as Huda) has been labeled as evil, bad and greedy, and through this gospel they found his so called true identity and what actually happen that nite, where Jesus knew that one of his disciple will betray him and he revealed the identity of that betrayer and asked him to proceed with his task and it shows that Judas was just doing what he was asked to do..To free a soul which trap in a body..?
In one of the dialog between Jesus and Judas..Jesus was addressing him as..'Ya Judas..' (sounds like ..Ya Huda = Yahudi).

Even though they have found that the manuscript are authentic, its content doesn't cover much about history of Jesus or what so ever but it does giving new dimension of Judas which I believe this documentary is actually just another propaganda of Jewish society which are scattered in America and behind of all these mega investigation. Whether its Gospel of Judas, Mark or Matthew or Who-ever, we should strongly believe that there is only one God and The Messiah will be sent to us..
Sometimes its hard to avoid all these intellectual, spiritual treat from our very own enemy which they try to do it slowly with careful planning, like a river flowing smoothly across the valley...This treat are nothing new in Islam, they have been trying and trying for centuries and we must be strong enough to overcome whatever coming our way..I am not good in this philosophy or tassawuf or religious matter, but this is the only thing I could share with fellow blogger..

For futher reading, I would suggest this book: Jerusalem in the Quran by Imran N.Hossein, its a good book..

Salam Maulidur Rasul to all..

P/S Please correct me if I'm wrong in translating the whole concept

My precious..

...precious gift from lovely husband on my birthday..thank you..
love you so much, may this year will bring us more happiness..

Hope and dream

..F R U S T R A T I ON..

Colours of Life

I'm always amused by any dot, splashes or stroke of colours, from soothing blue, to fresh green and mysterious black to feminine purple. Colours have been proved could be a therapeutic agent, or healing power.The substance believed could stimulate our mind and senses, from gloomy to sunny mood, from dark to bright hue.

Some believe that black is associated with evil, black magic, black metal, voodoo..Some creepy and dark world, but black also on the other hand could accentuated ones figure, that is why we have little black dress.

Red wether its chilli red or blood red is hot and sensual, people who wear red outfit normally considered as trying to seek for attention. It also reflect fast and furious action for example The red team of F1. In Benggali language red is called 'lal'=ang=merah.




Colour that we thought fresh is green, lime green, apple green, floresence green, neon green, PAS green..sometimes green is soothing to our eyes but at certain times its shocking and irritating, green was the colour for everything for the last 2/3 years, from wedding to house decoration people are crazy over this colour.Kedah is the best palce to see a changes of colour every few months, from musim membajak, menanam and menuai (harvest season).

All my life I'm attached to black, head scarf, shirt, pants, handbag, eyeliner, ring..I was the girl who people known as the one who always wear black, so it was easy to recognized me, but that doesn't mean that I live in a dark world or practised any black magic..its kind of safe feeling wearing this colour, and to me it looks strong and to be frank I like the idea of looking mysterious..the crow has inspired me a lot.. Been in this industry where colours play an important role, its interesting to discover new hue and tone, red is not just plain red or primary red: it could be earth red, brick red, heritage red, signal red..and blue are more than just the blue sky: they have baby blue, forget-me-not blue (suitable for a clinic-thanx to Dr Halim-Medivron Putrajaya), cobalt blue, ocean blue, coral blue..bukan otak b@%* sudah...;-)

There are times it's quite hard to choose and determined which colour could match each element, for women we have so many pallette to choose from smokey effect of eyeliner to clean and natural make up to couture concept, there are millions of shades to experiment with. Our life is never boring, so colourful.

I've come out from my all black closet since last two years..black is still my main choice but with a dash of other colour to brighten up my day, no more all black outfit with brown lipstick...

Sunday Morning

I woke up and couldn't find my handphone to check the time, the room looks cozy and I could feel a damp air inside the room..stroke my hand on the new bedsheet lazily..it feels like we have been sleeping in air-condition room, but to our surprised, it was actually splashes of rainwater..I walk to the window, staring at the road down there looking for evidence of early morning rain, the road looks dry like there was no rain pouring down for the last few hours....maybe its the material of the bedsheet, so I thought, and continue my sleep for another 30 minutes...

Expression

What outside is actually from inside which have been influenced by external elements..what I mean is what ever come out from us either idea or thought are a collection of substance from surrounding that has been around us for years, months or minutes. Our mind and brain are the most complicated and genius creation and gift from God which could absorb every single thing. The we experience those the longer we remember it and sometimes a short span experience but crucial might gives a significant impact to our life. Some people would express what they feel through painting, poem, essay, music, sculpture and what ever form of expression allowed. Expression is an appreciation, appreciation of oneself, of culture, civilization, heart and soul, journey and transition as well as God. Some are good at expressing through cartoon as what Datuk Lat did. He travelled from a small town in Ipoh to Kuala Lumpur to pursue his dream as cartoonist just like his idol: Raja Hamzah. A journey from a small town to a big city might be a big transition period for a young lad but deep down inside he is just a normal humble kampung boy.
There was a documentary on Astro yesterday on Datuk Lat, it was a sincere biography from somebody who wants to be famous and then feeling uneasy and trying to aviod all the attention and admiration.
From his art work it shows that his childhood experience is the most significant and memorable to him, every detail has been composed and presented well until one could dive into his world..from her English teacher with bee hive hair (Mrs Hew), to traditional houses, kampung games and a lot more element that we could never get now.

In this fast moving era, form of expression has evolved from chinese brush and ink to airbrush and latest we have more advance software that could create lively and soulful images, with all this latest technology everybody could have their own creation..and not to forget blogging..it is also kind of expression..words and pictures..

How fast things are moving, Pentium D or whatever, still the brain need to be maintain, this is the most powerful processor that we could never replaced.

Hope and dream

C O U N T D O W N

Come out and play

I didn't follow the Commonwealth Games everyday but I just keep up to date with the medal collection from the newspaper. Poor Nicole who have tried so hard under pressure to maintain her title..

During my childhood time, kids will play outdoor games according to season, if it is Piala Thomas, then everybody will insist their parents to buy a racket, not necessary Yonex..anything that can serve, RM 20 racket will do..main pun depan rumah..kira ok la, masa tu dongak ke langit nampak shuttle cock..time berangin pun tak kisah, belasah je..demam main badminton will only last around 1 month..at the end, the racket were hang inside store room, or lying under the bed or maybe dah terputus tali. Childrens of our time are more adventurous with more playing time spending outside the house exploring semak samun, climbing trees, 'tuju tin' and not forgotting playing 'kawin-kawin'..kecik2 dah nak kawin!!..budak2 la katakan..

There were also time when kite flying was the 'game', I was still in secondary at that time. Kites of various sizes and colours has been design using bambo, butter paper and decorated with colored paper or sugar paper. Most popular kite design was the 'wau bulan', without the intricate elements as originally came from the East Coast. Some who were more adventurous will add tails and came out with not-so-common shape.
December is the season for kite since the wind is stronger (musim timur) and the weather is quite pleasant. I like to watch the kite fly high up like there is no boundary, the feeling was surreal, laying on the wooden floor while looking at the sky through the window..colourful kite behind a blue sky, one could lost themselves looking at this. There were nasty kids who brushed those shattered glass on to the rope, this way they cut cut their friends rope if they happen to cross each other kite..some of them will suffer a little cut on their finger, but this never stop them. Boys will always be boys..

There is another 'game' or sport/ martial art that was popular : silat. This is one of the most ancient art form in our traditional Malay culture, rooted maybe hundreds years back. Generally silat in our region are almost the same,there are four kinds of silat:spiritual, self-defense, artistic silat and sports silat. There are many types of silat and varies according to their ideology, such as silat cekak, silat gayung,silat lincah, silat sendeng..to name a few and Kedah are well known with 'silat cekak'.
Since I life in 'kampung' environment, we have a spacious compound infront of my house which has become a social space for kids play area, playing 'polis-polis' and even a funeral event for the Chinese where they burn paper house. One of my relative used to be 'guru silat', I did not remember which silat.. There was this sandy area where he erected bambo post and clad with gunny sack, training session were only held at night, we could hear their voices from the gunny sack..'Hahh-hahh!!..'it sounds mystical at night especially during the full moon, maybe it was just my imagination, too much reading 'Bercakap dengan jin' (Tamar Jalis).

I had 'no professional' training in silat, but my father thought us simple basic steps of silat,enough to defend ourselves. Silat compared to other martial art are more artistic and faster in terms of hand movement and more powerful..this is what my father always emphasize. Silat is a combination of traditional and spiritual as well as self discipline, we have to follow what our 'guru' told us to do, strong body and big muscles are not enough, it is the power of mind that matters. One who wish to 'berguru' normally need to go through certain stages and they are required to complete each stages in order to graduate.

It is part of our cultural value that we should not neglect, this is what makes us different..during my uncle's wedding we had silat performances infront of the bride and bridegroom complete with background music of serunai and gendang (from a cassette). My father and few of his friends moves gracefully while the crowd looking at them and at that time I was so proud to be his daughter. I was so obsessed with silat after that and start buying silat magazine: 'Pendekar' and imagine myself wearing a black custom and head band kicking and punching like a lady warrior..

Hopefully silat will be in our society even though there are many other alternative of sports and martial art. It would not die as long as we believe in it and appreciate it as a continuation of our civilisation.

Until today I still got the moves..silat cekak..cekak pinggang je la..

The many faces of suffering

Trip to Linggi yesterday was not that bad as I expected, driving alone for more than three hours along plantation area with too many cows crossing. Life in kampung are much more peaceful compared to us in conrete jungle, even though their house looks like falling apart, but still they could give us a smile from their heart.

When we travel, we will always look for something different, something new or better than what we have now in our country. Sometimes the thing that we didn't expect to see is the best thing to remember and make us realise that we are lucky in some way. Until today, i could still recall all the places that I've been to, all the great building by the master architect and the wonder of the world, but the most memorable images is not the Eiffel or Taj, but the faces of the children and elderly who suffer in silent. The faces that you are not going to forget..forever.

I went to Tehran in May 2001 after almost 10 days touring around Europe, it was a humble beginning seeing everything in brown from the aircraft..mount and building looks almost similar. It was a spectacular landscape, Black hijab over a brown background. The ambience was totally different, great development, fast moving transit and suddenly everything change. No more blond in black leather jacket with Gucci bag walking confidently across the street, the sight has been replaced by Iranian women with black hijab. I don't really bother about the women, coz I can't see and interpret anything behind that hijab, but I was touch looking at little childrens who keep on following us, asking for money..We have the same situation here in Malaysia, but then seeing them in foriegn country gives a different impact and the men also have this kind of expression, a face which having a burden or something, I don't know how to describe, but next time on tv when you see Iranian President: Ahmedinijad, try to look carefully and you'll know what I mean, look at the eyes..deep inside. They have sufferred a lot, but yet there are among the strongest and humble compared to other Middle East country.

I thought I've seen it all in Iran, but when I was in Calcutta, India last year, I had the same experience but even worst that what we see in tv, its far from reality, India with high population can't afford to distribute prosperity and wealth to each state. The road is crowded by pedestrian not the vehicle, children were running around with no shoes, white shirt that has turn grey, smelly and some with flies on their face. Old woman with stick wandering asking for some rupee, woman with a baby on her arm..chanting..'Are baba, moina baba..' looking for attention and sympathy to feed the baby. Until today her voice is still in my memory, it's hard to let it go.







In Calcutta most women breast feed their children until the age of two, the don't mind about their skinny body with lack of vitamins and no proper medications, and they even seldom go for maternity check up. Women are to take care of the husband and children, no time for window shopping, each days are filled with house chore, pumping water from community tap, going up and down the house which shared by five family..some of them will bath in 'pukeri' aka big pond (air mati)which surrounded their villages, the source of this water is not from normal underground source but from rain water..green algae is a common sight. But most of them hardly being infected by skin diseases, God give them something that we don't have.

The day I was leaving I thought that I'm not going to cry, maybe tough enough..but I was crying like a baby and hug them like we never gonna met again. I can't forget their sacrifice and I can't pay their good heart with anything except my pray..
Bod Babu face still coming, I hardly spoke to him..

To my hubby : If you read this, I just want you to know that I really love you and appreciate what we have and what we don't have yet..really treasure the moment spent in Calcutta meeting your fathers side for the first time and hope there will be next time for us..

'Do not blog about your work'

Found this article in a magazine at MPH on blogging, covering from how to start one, history of weblog etc. There is on section mentioning about what to blog and what not to eg our work
They hightlight that there are people who have been fired after the employer found out that they have been blogging their company, about the director or staff that they don't like. The employer might think that blogger are using office facilities for their own personal interest.
There is also a case where an airline crew published her photo while wearing company's suit has been call for question.

It is ok to express our feeling and thought in this mode of publication but we need to draw a line, how far we could be frank and sincere..I think that whether it's thru blogsphere, irc, website, books, mag, banners, advertisement or whatever, we need to be sensetive enough to realise that there are people out there who might opposed to our idea or thought.

I did blog about my office previously, hopefully the boss didn't trace anything..;-)
Happy blogging to all blogger.

Scent of Midnight

Arrived last nite at 12.00am from Penang, it was a horrible journey with bumpy ride and bad headache. The weather back there were too hot..feels like in Agra, India, thought I had migrane..hopefully nothing serious.

The house looks the same as 2 days ago, except for my jasmine, blooming..yang jatuh ada tiga kuntum..yang tengah kembang ada 10 kuntum..the balcony smells so fresh..ni mesti terlebih baja warna pink that we bought last few months..pokok melur ni my father yang semai, then we brought it here since the balcony look hard and empty, thought of giving some life to that space and it end up this way..some people says that it's spooky..bau harum waktu malam, mesti ada hantu..ye ke? tak boleh percaya sangat ni.. since tanam pokok melur ni, dah tak payah pakai air freshner lagi, every nite around 9 something hubby would harvest the flower..tu kerja dia every nite, tak sabar tunggu bunga tu kembang.

Pokok asalnya ada di Alor Setar, planted by arwah Tok U, an old lady staying next to mak's house, she like to plant roses and other potted plant especially jasmine. She was 'our florist' at that time, i remember whenever there is a wedding , people will asked her to prepare sirih junjung..i pun akan sibuk duduk tepi 'U' tengok dan kadang2 menyibuk nak tolong..she was 60 plus back then and i was in secondary school. I learn indirectly from her, the way she cut the leaves, arrange the flower, wrapping the gambir and folding daun sirih. She was my mentor and i'm her protege who tried to her arrange her own sirih junjung last two years..jadi juga even though tak tinggi macam yang 'U' buat.

Back to the pokok melur story, after she passed away, the only thing that she left were her house which then being torn apart and sold by his relative and that precious pokok melur....my Mak (grandma) always says that tangan I 'sejuk', that's why tanam apa pun menjadi..so i pun potong la batang pokok tu, semai dalam banyak pasu...and pass to my mother in law, my parents..macam movie..'A walk in the cloud'..

So,now each nite i sleep with jasmine on my hair....

Kedah River

This entry is a continuation of my previous post.
River has been the greatest force in human civilization, a metropolitan derived from a small village which started by the river and slowly develop. It is significant as source of life, moe of transportation and to some they are holy like a Ganges River. If Paris could be proud of their River Seine and Britain with Thames..I appreciate this God gift which is priceless.

It used to be deeper and wider with 'nipah tree' along the bank and 'pokok kiambang' with purple flower floating. Some people says that whenever there are nipah tree definitely there will be a crocodiles..I haven't seen any croc yet..biawak besar ada le..My mother told me that there are place somewhere near the Pagoda where it's quite sandy and that was a spot for 'buaya berjemur'..dulu2 during her time..
Even though our house are just about 30 meters from the river, we hardly experience any flood except for the 'banjir besar' back in the 80's..ankle deep..And that was the last time.

During my childhood, I hardly play by the river and that is why I can't swim until today..What a reason..coz normally people who live by the river or beach definitely knows how to swim..Maybe they are more adventurous or maybe my family are just being cautious..kalau anak lelaki maybe boleh..I remember sleeping at night hearing a roaring sound from fishing boat..Most of the fisherman are from the otherside of the river. All my life staying there, I only took a sampan ride once, that was 22 years ago and that was during the Sultan's Birthday. There were a big float from government department mostly, their sampan were decorated according to a concept, I could clearly remember there was one boat with fisherman theme..their's were complete with fishing net, hens and ducks..Even a sandy mount..There were also a swan-like concept with pretty girls smiling and waving their hands..It was so exciting but all through the ride I hold my hand tight to the side of sampan..takut juga, dah la tak tahu berenang..Until today,during Sultan's birthday there will be a celebration by the river especially pertandingan menangkap itik..hmm

There is one more story about this river that need to be told otherwise it would be complete- 'hantu air'...the river is significant with it's ghost story, some people said that they saw a shadow of a man standing by the river and some told that they saw a woman..and many other haunted stories..whatever it is the river has claimed too many lives, some were drowned and some purposedly jumped into the river..mental..

Historically Kedah River is significant with Terusan Wan Mat Saman where it was the main source for the farmers. It has become a natural heritage of Kedah even though the nipah tree were no longer there..it is now replaced by a promenade and normally occupied by veterans playing dam...


View towards Kedah river with Telekom tower as a background


Signboard showing new development along the river bank

Heavy Downpour...

It was chaotic and panic situation last 30 minutes at the office at level 13 Menara Summit, it was raining heavily with strong wind until we could feel the vibration on the glass panel. Dust were flying down from aircond ducting like a snow..rasa macam building ni swayed a bit..Maybe panic kot..But we almost lost our boss, he was trying to grab the window handle to closed it with one hand while the other hand attached to a window frame..Luckily the other staff saw him struggling and quickly grab his waist..fuhh...kalau tak habis..The wind was so strong like it could suck us out..macam dalam movie...Me and other friend dalam kalut-kalut sempat cabut turun..We don't dare to use lift and slowly going down using the escape staircase..rasa lemah lutut pulak..Reached at level 5 and stuck there for a while, the management lock the grill at the staircase and the lift is not working...This is against Bomba requirement..gile betul!! Lift lobby kat ground level banjir sikit..tempias..nak turun ubah kereta..guna service lift..rosak juga- door jam, tak boleh tutup..ni satu lagi kes poor maintenance..so at last dapat turun bawah dalam keadaan gelabah, ubah kereta from B3 to B1..lega....syukur..
tapi dalam office masuk air sikit..nasib baik PC ok tak ada short circuit..

Tempat jatuh lagi dikenang..

I spend a lot of my childhood time closed with my grandma even though my family house is just next door. Maybe becoz I was their first cucu,so dapat attention lebih sikit. I call my grandma as 'mak' because I heard my mom, aunty and uncle call her 'mak'..I was just a little girl, and call my mother, 'mama'. This is a sketch of 'mak' house in Seberang Perak, a typical Kedah house with raised floor and attap roofing. The original layout consist of one big bedroom (rumah ibu), bedroom 1&2, kitchen, hall, verandah or what we call as 'beranda'. The bathroom was at ground floor and original entrance door is facing the Kedah River. As long as I can remember, the house was made of round solid timber with timber panel for wall and partly combined with bambo weave.Most of these original structure are still there for more than 40-60years now, with newspaper and decorative paper still intact to the column.

There are split levels to differentiate the space. Family area is higher than hall, and the kitchen drop about almost 250mm from the family area. Most traditional house were designed with nature and surrounding value in mind, therefore the design could be considered as successful. There are ample lighting and fenestration, function meet aesthetic with every piece of timber will be reasonably crafted. One thing that I really like about this house is the louvered panel with vertical timber piece as a control mechanism.

This house actually has been handed over by her mother who planted jambu air tree in the middle of the compound. It was a big tree which provide not only shade but also as my favourite place to escape.I remember whenever it rain heavily that nite, the next morning we will straight go and collect those buah jambu on the ground, it was so exciting...the trees in a way has giving me a space to jump into my imaginary world, there were pokok duit-duit all around its trunk with 'lumut' everywhere. It was surreal for a little girl who likes to dive in her own ocean of fantasy. The died shortly after mak's mother died at the age of 90+. Mak told me that the tree has been planted her mother, so i guess it must be more than 30years considering it's big radius of trunk...Now..2006, the trees has gone, nipah trees has disappeared but mak's house is still there with new extension. I was so lucky to have a chance to learn how to weave attap roofing from mak...ahh...nostalgia pulak..I should call her tonite..

I've been planning to documentate the history of the house and Seberang Perak in general since there are few significant building such as the school neraby who Che Det, Daim, Awang Had used to school there. Started halfway but still searching for more info..

Anyway, home sweet home...there are lots of thing to tell about this house, maybe in next entry..for now I want to go 25 years back....pusing jam ke belakang...black and white world...

Subuh yang hening..

This photo was taken last 4 weeks around 5.20am..bulan penuh..So I've been waiting to captured a photo of perfect full moon..But these photo are not that clear coz I was shaking, actually 'mamai' lagi masa tu..full moon has always been associated with supernatural things, behavioral changes, tidal..etc..but want thing that reminds me whenever its full moon is this song...'malam bulan dipagar bintang, nampak seri bila dipandang..bulan bintang lampu alam'....from the movie Pendekar Bujang Lapuk. This is my all time favourite movie

Moving on..

I went through NUR magazine on the topic of 'job hopping' which they pointed that there are pro and con on this behavior or habit or maybe culture of moving from one workplace to another. In my case its not the habit or attitude but more into self satisfaction and achievement and goal that we have set for ourselves. I've started preparing my new and revised portfolio, hope this time around it will be more impressive and convincing rather than just 'tangkap muat' like last interview..
I need to get out of this place now..The time has come for me to move on..I could just be comfortable and enjoy staying here with not much work, terrible client, snobbish employer and heavy traffic plus long travel distance..OR find a better place which could offer a better chance of improvement, so tak la rasa mcm makan gaji buta..I don't want to be suck into a comfort zone and stuck at such horrible place, I rather go to the unknown than being a sponge..

Blood in my mouth..

I think that I shouldn't watch any crime stories or ghost stories anymore before sleep coz every single details will appeared again and again in my dream. For the last few days the same plot of dream emerged, my mouth was covered with blood, it was like I'm having some kind of diseases...I was choked with blood in my mouth..There were few people with me but they can't do much to help.It was so real until I woke and it feels like the blood is still in there..This act of waking up in the middle of the nite has make me tired...I had this dream 3 times since last week, maybe I was too tired driving everyday from Putrajaya to Subang Jaya, or maybe too much horror movie..It's just a mind game..But I must admit that I hate waking up in the middle of the nite in shocked!...Lemah semangat kot? Sometimes people says that a dream is like a signal or a warning, I don't know how true it is...orang cakap selalunya maksud mimpi tu terbalik..so kalau mimpi jumpa duit- meaning kita nak hilang duit..macam tu?..

Fatty Chemical Methanol Tank Explosion

Methanol tank exploded killing two workers and two badly injured at Fatty Chemical(M) Sdn Bhd factory in Prai this morning around 11.00am. During the explosion the factory was shut down for maintenance work which is under a contractor: San-Q.It is believed that workers were doing some weilding work near methanol tank. According to one source, the body of the victim was found at level four of the factory, it show how strong the explosion was. One of methanol tank tank has exploded and it caused the cover/ lit to be thrown away to the other tank.
For info, here are some definitions of Methanol as extracted from few sources:-
Methanol (methyl alcohol). An alcohol used as a raw material in a wide range of industrial and chemical processes.

Methyl alcohol. Wood alcohol. The simplest alcohol. Methanol is water soluble and has a flash point of 54°F and explosive limits of 6% to 36.5%.
www.fire.org.uk/glossary.htm

A colorless alcohol that is very toxic and extremely flammable. It is used to produce a number of products including MTBE, fuels, and solvents.
www.berg.com.sg/mgM.htm


The source of explosion as reported is still under investigation held by DOSH (Department of Safety and Health). It looks like DOSH are in spotlight since last year after too many accident happen at workplace. In Fatty Chemical incident, it is quite a surprise for a company who have a good track record on safety and health. (This is just a brief info- do not consider this as a good reference, for further detail, please wait for DOSH Investigation report),or maybe the ministry will ask CIDB to investigate as what happen in Hartamas.
Maybe there are other things that people overlook or maybe it's just their time... Sometimes things happen the way it should be even though we have consider all safety requirements or comply to any law, but it is fate that will make a different.

Potrait of Putrajaya: Night Scene

Putrajaya has become one of places of interest among local and foreign tourist,the administrative capital has a lot more to offer from green landscape to aviary, architecturally pleasing building with Moorish architecture, international and hi-tech with intricate detailing has been well planned to accommodate administration building, hotels, government quarters, commercial complex as well as recreational area, but unfortunately it is lack of the most important substance of town planning- 'romanticism' ..Everything are so predictable until there is no more sense of surprises unlike any other town which slowly evolved from a small component. Anyway it is still something that we should be proud of, especially for the architect who had those precious opportunity to be part of this development:-
Masjid Putra night scene
bridge thru the A frame
cable bridge of Putrajaya
one of the most outstanding bridge design leading to Ministry of Finance

5 % Work

Maybe because it's Friday, maybe the flu and the headache..Or maybe I'm just being lazy today. I only received one phone call from site office, one SMS and faxed one item to the COW. How boring it is today when we are used to a hectic life with many things to complete and datelines to meet, and suddenly the environment changed. This is dangerous; no work means no productivity and this will lead to nothing. I should have complete a submission drawing for Bukit Tinggi but then still waiting for that one more item to add in. Everything are sailing slowly, slow progress means slow payment..This is not good for me.
I thought that since I have ample time for 'me' time, I could read some books on 'Project Management' or 'Contract' but then I don't have the motivation, flipping few pages then I get bored. I know that I should prepare myself now, sharpen my skill, gain more knowledge and experience and read more books, attend seminar and keep up to date with latest technology at the same time...fuhhh...That's quite a long list..There is no easy way to be successful, the journey is far way too long for me..Or maybe there is a shortcut that I have not trace.. I would give myself another two years to complete my log book and sit for the Part 3 exam (actually I haven't fill up anything..)Hopefully by then I have equipped myself to take on the next challenge but with this 5% work how far can I go...?

Halal and Non - Halal Food

After 6 months of not going to linggi by myself, at last today I have to drive alone. The meeting is scheduled at 2pm, so I have ample time to prepare and surf the internet. Driving to Linggi is not that exciting, the road is too winding and there are only few car passess by but I hope everything gonna be ok. The last time I drove there was last year,it took me almost 2 hours from Putrajaya. I took the coastal road which I thought would be more interesting, but then it's just the same.
The site is situated far inside a kampung area adjacent to Linggi river and it's gonna be really hot like usual. The worst thing about this area is there is only one food stall at a bus stand infront of the site. I have no other choice, or else go to the other side the yard, which sometimes I can't take the food, worry of the cleanliness. Other alternative is going to Kuala Sungai; a small town with only two row of an old shophouse. There are also few Malay stall, the rest are Chinese which they claim halal! Even when I asked the Malay stall operator about the Chinese restaurant,they said confidently that it is 'halal'. God, how can they simply said that while clearly there is this big 'praying counter'(i don't know what they call this)inside the restaurant and it fills with the smell from colok!..Besides we don't know what happen in the kitchen, the might used the same wok, same plate..hurghh..scary. This is what normally happen when all the contractor and the consultants are non-Malay, and you are the only one who have to think not just twice but many many time about your food especially in this remote area where choices are not available. And to make it worst, no matter what I have to follow their car since we go car pool. Some people they are more considerate, they do think about others sensetivity but there are some who just don't care since they are the one who pay or maybe due to the lack of knowledge. Who's to blame in this situation but I have found my ways to overcome this problem. Each time after the meeting I will always insist to go to that small stall infront of the site or to Pengkalan Balak- by the beach few km away but worth it.
Looking back at this halal issue, I think that it's time for Muslim enterprenure to seriously venture and promote halal food. What happen now is we are too depending on non-Malays food supply which they definitely don't have a clear idea of what halal is. It seems like we don't have the control of our own life, of what we eat and what we buy. The list could be too long, from koay teow, chilli paste, vege, bean curd, junk food and drinks are supplied by them. Even asam boi or in Loghat Utara we call it 'asam ko' manufactured by them. I noticed nowadays most people are no longer concern of what they eat daily, what are the ingredients, who prepare the food and whether it's halal or not. We have to consider all these things; what we eat will be our blood that will run through the body which supply the oxigen to move the whole system, eating non-halal food is just like having a contaminated chemical in the blood vessel, it could spoil the system slowly. I read somewhere that we have to avoid eating food prepared by non-Muslim' it's the 'air tangan orang kafir' issue. Keberkatan is what we are looking for in our everyday life, at least if Muslim are the one who prepared the food he might started off with 'Bismillah' or any other doa, at least everybody will get the benefit. Just imagine; one non Muslim guy working as a Chef, who used to drink and only used a toilet paper instead of water prepare your meal. It might taste good, superb but imagine what happen before it; he might used the same hand to open Carlsberg can, the same hand playing at the casino, and the same hand eating pork! Its not a matter of physical thing, he as a Chef will definetely wash his hand before cooking, but this is more spiritual. We are what we eat...

Behind a happy eyes..

Last week my friend from Utm and I went to visit our former housemate who just gave birth to a lovely baby girl. It was a hot Saturday afternoon and driving under the hot sun was not a pleasant journey plus the jam which create more chaos in my head.We finally arrived at her mom's place, and there she was waiting for us with her baby on her arm. The house still look the same as I went almost a year ago, the only addition is the cute baby, while her father is outstation. It was almost like a mini gathering for us, I used to be her room mate but I don't really know her much until her wedding day. Only on that big day I knew who she is and what made her to be the way she used to be. She has gone through many obstacles in life, study, financial and social I was so ignorance at those time, I couldn't see the reality right infront of my eyes. It took me almost 2 years to discover the truth, the sadness and the struggle behind that happy cheerful face. And last Saturday I heard another sad story of her; since the husband wasn't around, there are no one that she could rely on except for her parents, until today she have to go to a clinic by a bicycle, just imagine how a woman who've went thru 9 months carrying a big tummy and hours of labor pain have to suffer another episode of challenge. The nearest clinic is few km from her house and the house itself is quite isolated. How would it be if there's an emergency or the baby sick?..All they have is just an old bicycle, but how could we depends on that alone...From her face we know that there are many things crossing her mind, thinking about her baby, her parents, her husband and at the same time about moving to another state following her husband. It is like keep on coming, one after another, my only hope is she will be strong enough to face all this. Just how lucky we are staying in a comfortable house with decent car to take us anywhere while at the other corner of the world there are a lot of people who suffer and only God knows. May peace be upon us.

Potrait of Putrajaya: Sunset

when the sun goes down, the day end..but not the memories..



view towards Masjid Putra from Precinct 16

ALLAH Almighty..

Samy Vellu and sms nightmare

Last two days he can't sleep until 4 in the morning,receiving almost 2600 sms..he woke up and thinking that this is the most terrible nightmare and a bad decision, so next time he know that he should not be too defensive until he let people enchroached to his private moment by giving hp number in national tv.But he always want to twist here and there by saying that those 1000 sms were just from people who congratulate him...hmm..i doubt it.Maybe any phone company could come out with solution to overcome a problem of receiving too many sms that can damage our phone as what Samy said last nite...'sekarang phone saya pun sudah rosak, banyak sangat sms masuk..'whatever..he always put the blame on people, on nature and now on technology..buta teknologi ke..? JKR pun kena upgrade nampaknya, just like upgrading our sim card..;-)
This incident should be a turning point or as a precedent to all minister, to be more cautious, calm and compose when handling sensetive issue or when being bombarded questions.

Civil servant and birocracy

I was called again today to brief about the project which is still pending approval due to political issue. I have tried my best to get things done accordingly but as usual this is Malaysia, the system is totally different, we are no longer been served by the civil servant. Sometimes we have to treat them like they are above everything, most of them are getting too demanding while their service are still at below public satisfaction. Just imagine to get a letter out will take them almost two weeks, let alone getting it signed, which definitely will take another week or months. Too much birocracy lead to inefficient service that will lead to slow development. I fully understand their work system and heirarchy but they as a body who serve the public should have the awareness to improve and be better each day. everybody in the authority...no not everybody actually but most of them have personal interest, when we have this kind of attitude we will tend to mould things to suit our own need rather than standard requirement or By-Laws. it is really frustating going up and down MPSJ almost everyday just to get a piece of paper of approval, they are just buying time...this scenario happened due to developer's greed and people inside that particular body who are looking in a different perspective on how this project could benefit them. 'kawtim' is the most terrible word not only in contruction industry but in many fields in Malaysia. People have been shadowed by money,they were thought that money could buy you everything even dignity. It's hard to change the system where the big player has started these tradition or giving money and gift, we are just a small fish in small pond who are looking for some algae....chain reaction..

Cabinet reshuffled

Yesterday announcement on the new team of cabinet structure was a good indication and maybe we could hope for a better service. Samy Vellu is still considered 'kebal' on his chair at this moment, not because there is no other suitable candidate, but simply because he need to clean up his own mess..All those cracked need to be rectify..So does the cracked on his head, next time around if we discover any crack or problem on any road, bridge or whatever, please don't go straight to the media, but proceed to this Samy who have promised a lot of things..Anyway I didn't remember his phone number, he said we can call him anytime..yeaaa right..
Another one pillar goes down- Datuk Kader Sheikh Fadzil- this is not a surprise for a man who didn't contribute much to nation's development,all he care was how to spend the money on entertainment. Leaving or been asked to leave is not a matter to be discussed, its good for all parties to received a new minister who are more creative and know how to do things properly and cost effective.

Stuck at menara summit

Tomorrow will be my 2 years anniversary working with this company, after so much hardwork,sacrifice,complaint, heart broken and argument, I'm still standing here..or maybe I should say stuck..! Yeah..Maybe right, I'm stuck with the same type of project-resort and resort again from 1997 until now, it's not that I don't like resort architecture, it's just too much for me.i need to move on, develop my skill, be more creative, dealing with more challenging design technology and constraint. to make things worst is the client who keep on chasing us to finish up all the :-(!@#@# drawing in a very short time but ended up throwing everything away and start all over again from scratch..They said they have the budget, then they said the management wants something 'cheap but nice'..Where got..?We can't comprise on quality and aesthetic value.its a relieve when last month these development has been handed over to another guy, but I'm still involved with the rest of the masterplan..Well I'm just an employee, if that is what been given, I have to deliver my job..Sigh..
another commercial complex which I took over last few months are not moving at the moment, that is why I have so much time for blogging and blog hopping ;-)
this is another headache, I don't know why I always have to deal with sick project. But this one is very political, where too many people have personal interest and this is what make my job harder, I have to juggle things at the office and at the same time need to tackle all political issue wisely and fast..gaji tak nak banyak pun....The boss expect me to 'visit' MPSJ everyday, he said "once a week is not enough! U have to go everyday, belanja them drinks, get to know the officer..bla bla..macam boleh claim..
anyway enough of complaining, life goes on, tomorrow might be better..I will do my best and at the same time looking forward for a better chance..

MRR2 and Samy Vellu statement..

MRR2 is another case of improper planning, design failure and poor implementation and management as well as 'things that I can't discuss here'..As a Minister, last nite statement was not appropriate, how can we simply blame on nature when things does gone wrong.he's kinda giving public his another 'putar belit' statement, one same statement has been twisted to save his ass...It a shame for somebody who have a vast experience in construction to give those kind of feedback. Maybe its time for him to give way for fresh new leave...

Trip to Penang and Kedah...part3

Majalah Wanita December 1976:

while helping wan sorting and removing all furniture and books, i discovered this 30years old magazine published in December 1976 underneath many old and dusty books and newspaper.it's interesting to see how things has develop from plain graphic and low quality printing to glossy and better quality cover with more refreshing subject matter.at that era, traditional value were still important and people were proud of it and it shows clearly on this cover.

one of competition segment




during school time, we always make fun and laugh out loud looking at this kind of column in a magazine, especially the haircut with big bun infront. haircut as well as fashion were influenced by a lot of forces, i think the worst fashion era was in the 80's where people go for big hair (Cindy Lauper..) and colourful and vibrant outfit. during those time with less communication technology, people depends on printed media to express, seek information and looking for new friends and life partner.there were times pen-pal was a big thing, everybody at school will keep on comparing who got the most. unlike in this era of technology we are no longer need to send our photo which will only be published after two months.books and magazine are the best documentation item, where it will be a reference in the future and at the same time as a valueble artefact.

Trip to Penang and Kedah...part2

Kuala Sala, Kedah:
it's been one month we haven't been to wan's house, so this time around we decided to gather in Kuala Sala for lunch and help with the house renovation.everytime we come to this house there will always be minor extension whether front portion or back with no proper planning. but this latest work looks more well composed even though i don't like the arch- looks so Roman...
after lunch we managed to go fishing at a small river lead by my mom..who share this passion with my father, my hubby and all of my cousin. we have to cross the bendang/sawah which were too dry, so we were lucky otherwise we have to think about leeches..yuck..so here are some snapshot:-


by the river
the best thing about Kuala Sala is we have have almost all element at one place except for highland, there are rivers flowing running across the bendang(kedah term for sawah=paddy field) and separating the beach. even though the beach are not sandy it still gives a spectular scenery.





the many faces of Kuala Sala

Trip to Penang and Kedah..part1

Penang:
last week we had many occasion to attend and many activites had been planned for both family back in Penang and Alor Setar. we've decided to left Putrajaya on Sunday afternoon instead of earlier to avoid traffic jam on highway. we were quite lucky coz i heard from my neighbour that he had to drove for 10 hours all the way from Putrajaya-Penang on saturday.
anyway we had a news that my hubby's uncle just passed away that morning around 6.15am, he was scheduled to undergone an operation on that particular day.Al-Fatihah.
the journey went smooth along North-South Highway except for three accident, i couldn't snap any pic coz we were on the right lane. the traffic at Penang Bridge were even worst, we had to wait for almost 45min just to pay the ticket. i think Samy Vellu should come to Penang during this season where people are heading to Penang more than usual and the existing bridge can't accommodate this high density user.
so after almost an hour on the bridge we headed to Taman Abidin to visit the jenazah. it was a sad environment, but i couldn't look at his youngest son who look so calm even though once in a while he will wipe his tears, while his three sisters still crying with their mother. at that moment i realised how i love my hubby so much.'people come and go....'



the next day we left for Alor Setar via ferry, afraid of yesterday bad traffic we choose to relax on this romantic journey.i always prefer travelling by ferry instead of driving across the bridge, i really like the smell of salt water..eh?..while the wind blew my face..hmm, besides, the ferry itself was one element in my final year thesis- Revitalisation of Penang Waterfront-Weld Quay,so its kinda sentimental to me..

even this rope look interesting to me...;-)

My express lunch

I had a simple lunch today, just a cup of Lipton tea and mushroom soup, not that I'm on diet or what coz I'm skinny but not as bad as Jodie Kid. Sometimes it's hard to choose a place to eat in Summit. It has been two years and we have been dining at the same old place with the same dishes and the same waiter. It looks like this building are dying slowly, all space has been converted to restaurant or food kiosk and mostly are Chinese food. The only decent place are Secret Recipe, Starbuck and Black Canyon plus three fast food joint.
Back in Alor Setar, I could spend only RM3.50-RM4.00 on a big portion mixed rice including drink, but here that amount is nothing...I can't wait to go back this weekend, nasi tomato and roti arab kapitan plus rojak padang kota are waiting for me...Happy holiday and Awal Muharram

R.I.P....

I don't know whether it's just my feeling or what. its been 2 years after that unforgetable experience at Park View apartment, Kelana Jaya, I sometimes still afraid of shadow and still cover my face with pillows and I need to cover my feet with a blanket as well (old folks says it was 'badi'..I don't know..), and I still anxious whenever I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth; because that was the last thing that I did that horrible nite before I go to bed.
Nov 2003 (Ramadan)--SS 5A:
I just moved in to that house that same nite after looking around SS5A for a decent room with nice housemate. I was so desperate to move in and I thought that it was a good choice renting a room and staying with a family of three instead of staying with other tenant. She's a single mother with one daughter age around 20 plus and a boy age 11 or 12, and I don't know whether she's working or what but what I noticed was she had full wall of souvenirs from oversea and a big aquarium. I assumed that she was an educated person from the way she talk. After explaining about house rules and everything, I ask her permission to go out to meet my friend at nearby restaurant and I promised myself that I will come back before 12 o'clock.

so, after few drinks of tea and plain water at mamak restaurant, I excuse my self due to my promise to impress her even though my friend insisted me to stay a bit longer. Almost 12 midnite I entered the house, and I saw her bedroom door half open with the lights still on. I thought maybe she's still waiting for me,so I went straight into my small room, changed my dress and went to the bathroom to fresh up. I still saw her door half open and I could hear her coughing. I just knew that the three of them stayed in one room, I wonder why coz there are another two room. But then I didn't bother much because I was terribly sleepy. So there I was laying on my back looking at the ceiling and thinking that this is the best room I have ever rented with full furniture, swimming pool (even though I can't swim), helpful security staff and I felt secure that nite and I thought that I could have a good sleep compared to the last 3 months.
I was still at my semi-concious state when I heard a strange sound outside, it was like people talking and crying at the same time and a girl's voice pleaded for something. At first I thought that lower floor resident was fighting, but then I realised that the sound actually came from our house. Oh God, this is bad, I thought that she abused her children, I was so scared and still hear them crying and I pray to God that she wont hurt them ...Suddenly somebody knock my door hardly and calling me..'kakak!!kakak!!..Now what??..I wasn't sure whether I should open that door or not, but her cry made me open the door..And all she could say was..'mak....', I rushed to their room and I saw her laying on the floor with blood everywhere and suddenly a bubble of blood came out from her mouth..!! I was panic, scared, it was a mix emotion, I don't know what to do and I ran outside of the room crying out loud..I can't think of anything, what to do? Should I call somebody or go back to her and do something..?My heart was beating so fast as my tears running on cheek..I went back into her room and we tried to lift her, at that moment I think she was still alive but we don't have the strength so we left her at the same spot and I noticed the bathroom floor was flooded with her blood..I asked her children to stay with her while I call ambulance, my fiance and security. Its unfortunate for us because the private hospital can't send us an ambulance, and it was hard to explain what actually happen at that time..We were still panic but I managed to asked for help from neighbours (we are the only Malay at that floor),when they came in and saw her on the floor most of them just say..'aiya!!'..They refused to carry her to the living area, God!!At that time I know that we need to live in our own community if not 100% at least few.
I managed to composed myself when the neighbours came and I told them that I will bring my car and we'll send her to the hospital no matter what, I've laid old newspaper in my car and rushed back upstairs. By that time she has left us, I checked her pulse and her feet was so cold with her mouth still covered with blood. I just knew at that moment that their father just passed away one month ago from her son who cried.." mak..jangan tinggal kami, tunggu raya, bapa pun dah pergi, kami tak ada sapa lagi.."It was so touching to see a little boy crying for his mother..
paramedic came about 40 minutes later and they confirmed her death..It was hard for her daughter to accept but her son was so calm, he just proceed to pray and at that moment he look like a grown up who are so strong. Few family members came afterward including 2 policeman, they asked about the incident and I've showed them the bedroom and bathroom and gave brief explaination..It happen too fast. After they arranged to bring her body to her brother's house, I felt lost..Don't know where to go, should I stay or should go somewhere else. I called my friend and asked her permission to stay at her place that night, by that time it was already 2 o'clock.
I informed her nephew that I'll collect my stuff next few days after everything are in order.
I left that house around 3 o'clock without knowing her fullname, her daughter and son's name. I only knew that she's from penang and I knew that she's in peace now. I went to my friend's house with only one small bag, all the way to her house I was still crying and shocked! It was all blank, I can't think properly and I kept thinking that I should have help her, or be by her side and at least teach her to 'mengucap'. During sahur, I found it hard to eat especially the sardine gravy, coz to me it look like a blood...
I slept that nite with the light on and surah yassin on my chest, I can't closed my eyes, I was so scared...
around 8 o'clock I woke up and found that my friend has left for work and there I was alone. I can't even look at a mattress or a bathroom coz it reminds me of her house. I quickly took a shower and left for a clinic. The doctor said I might recover after two weeks or else it might last longer maybe few months or years.
that whole week I was so lost, I can't really sleep and its hard to perform at work, I could suddenly cry while driving with no particular reason. I still regret that I didn't help her much.
but now after two years, I've fully recovered even though sometimes it will cross my mind. I hope that she rest in peace..Al- Fatihah, and hope that her children will be strong enough..

safety and health in workplace

like it or not our work is everything and it takes most of our time, 8 hours a day, five days a week, for twelve months minus public holiday and weekend. we spend most of our time thinking about work even on weekend we have started planning for Monday. therefore office environment is important no matter how big it is, wether it is a shopbouse, office tower or home office. we spent so much time in this environment which sometimes could effect our health without noticing it, a good office should provide ample space and are well planned to accomodate number of staff, filing and storage, discussion area, pantry and a welcoming lobby. the way we work, how we produce idea and looking for inspiration are sometimes based on this factor, especially for those who involved in design work. i have seen some office who dont even have any view looking outside except for partition, and spacing between each cubicle are too near, with boxes of files and drawing at every corner. so i guess i'm quite lucky coz our office still have a view towards Jalan Kewajipan which are very congestion everyday. one thing that i don't really like about this building are their central cooling system which sometimes are too cold and there times that it smells weird like the air have been suck from sewerage line..:-(
what make it worst is because of the location of this building, where it is surrounded by heavy traffic area which produced carbon monoxide plus smoke and unseen particles from nearby factories. so it is not a surprised when each month most of us will take medical leave due to flu, headache, stress and other unknown factor. there is a legal requirements regarding safety and health in workplace which we can refer to in order to overcome this problem and at the same time creating a creative and productive environment. according to Occupational Safety and Health Act 1994 there are guideline to comply as below:-
-provided or maintain equipment and systems of work that are safe and without risk to health ( some architect firm require their employee to do printing which contain ammonia (blue print) which are a chemical hazard
-ensure that equipment and substances are used, stored and tranported safely and without risks to health
-provide information, instruction, training and supervision that ensure the safety and health of employees
-maintain their place of work in a safe condition including entrances and exits
-employers must also ensure the safety and health of visitors to the workplace.

Adaptation

i'm supposed to paint yesterday but haven't started even a bit, or try to compose anything,.. i was stuck infront of tv watching this interesting movie starring Nicholas Cage and Meryl Streep, the story is about adapting things from other people's life experience: a screenwriter who struggle to adapt a best selling book on 'orchid hunter' ,who adapted the story from a real life of obsessive orchid hunter-'John Laroche'..it is really interesting to see how we sometimes trying to be adaptable in certain or most occasion. there are times that we have to sacrifice in order to be acceptable by a group of people or by society or by our own family.
we have been practicing this adaptability behaviour since we were baby..we adapt to our surrounding, our culture, language, colours, smell..everything.
'we are the most adaptable animal'

Art Project for 2006

i have planned to finish a lot of pending works by weekend, cleaning the bathroom, sorting out bills and statement, do the laundry, read more about contract management, prepare for LAM renewal and PAM Registration, finish up drawing for house renovation, grocery shopping and the most important thing: painting

i used to paint a lot, but now it seems like i'm lack of inspiration, idea..maybe i should go somewhere, some new place maybe that will bring some interesting subject to paint. i wish i could paint more and explore new medium, i envy those who could come out with fresh and original idea.
i went to Petaling Street last week to purchased my art stuff: canvas (1 small canvas for my hubby who started to love art stuff), few tubes and i still haven't found 'halal' brush for my water colour, mostly in the market are made of 'non-halal' material...
practise make perfect, so i better start now instead of stuck infront of this pc.

express...xpress..?

i thought that i can have a piece of mind during the weekend, with no phone calls from the client, contractor or from my too-judgemental and sarcastic boss, but hey..some people just don't care, early in the morning the contractor just call me to collect a drawing today even though i've promised to issue on Monday...most of people in the industry rushing to complete their work before Chinese New Year in order for them to claim for payment. anyway, one think that spark my mind is the way the contractor talk, especially non-malay, sometimes they say something else but what they mean is totally different, like this morning conversation:-
contractor: itu berapa tingkat ahh?
me: (i thought that he was referring to the project? which is only one storey)..1 tingkat..
contractor: office you berapa tingkat?
me: (oohh...he was asking about my office..) tingkat 13 la..
contractor: isnin i datang pukul 10 ambik itu drawing..thank u ahh...

see...it makes a lot of different when we used a wrong vocab or miss even one letter...that is why people quarrel..i guess, because they way we express are not right for that particular moment and occassion..

i remember one incident last year, when we were just few months staying together as husband and wife, there are lots of things to learn about and from each other. i was preparing lunch, and my hubby request for 'air asam' (equal to sambal belacan), so i prepared the chillis, belacan and my cute mortar and pestle..i actually didnt really like using this hand grinding tools..its almost finish and he suddenly asked what are u doing? i said : u asked for air asam, so now i'm preparing this for u..and then he said..'no, i actually asked for masak asam,(which is fried fish with sour soup- mixed with tamarind juice, sliced chilli and ginger)....he said again..'u know me'..
yaa.. i know him well now..he always jumble up everything..what to do

staff evaluation

we have been given an evaluation form last 3 three weeks and nobody fill up the form until the boss called one by one..we are suppposed to rate ourself, evaluate our contribution, productivity,creativity..whatever..we are judge by the way we delegate our job, dealing with client and authority, diligent, precise,punctual and make less mistake..sometimes its hard to judge one's capability in a short period and from one job or project. architecture is a subjective field, there are many factors contributing to our performance, sometimes we have an interesting project but from not so strong client, who only depends on bank loan. its quite frustating when all our effort, not 2 or 3 months but a year has been wasted due to financial capability. therefore its fair enough not look only at the outcome but also the process.
i was called last two days and it was almost an hour 'evaluation session', the boss told me that all of us rate ourself too high..what do u expect? if we rate our self below 6/10 it looks like we have low self esteem, or not confident enough..well boss always think that they are right, no matter what. anyway i had express what i feel about that office and what i expect from him and the office and at the same time i will improve myself, 'be more thoughtfull'...hmmm

Dec 30th

Dec 30th, today my hubby turn 29, one year older and wiser. we havent plan for anything special this time around, maybe just have a dinner at TGI Friday, or maybe Victoria Station...no surprises like what he did for me..
Dec 30th, friday- last working day for 2005...welcome 2006, maybe everything will be better and wonderful

Penang to Pulau Besar

In few hours time, one bus full of our family from Penang will be in Malacca for family trip. they are somewhere in Perak at this moment. i am not sure how will i handle the situation, what to cook on sunday for thirty people? i dont think i have enough cutlery...and enough confident to cook something extravaganza..maybe i go for something safe and simple...hopefully they will arrived safely..

Cross culture

We just came back from Taipan for a 'kenduri bersunat', the big day will be tomorrow at a private clinic. i am supposed to cook fried rice tonite but at last i got something that i craved for: beriani, chicken, mutton dhalca, achar and salad thairu (yogurt mixed with sliced cucumber, carrot and onion). most of the dishes if i am not mistaken are actually a southern india recipes. not many people can cook a nice beriani, the most important ingredients is the rice, and the measurement of each spices, there are some beriani that taste funny or too sweet smell..until now i haven't tried cooking beriani because there are too many steps in order to get a perfect meal. anyway the food was good but that i don't know how to thank the host due to communication breakdown, i can't speak tamil and they can't speak malay or english. so we ended up smiling to each other. the only person who can speak well each language is the husband but he was not around, therefore we just sit there talking silently to each other, even my hubby can't really speak tamil. language is very important in a mixed culture family, sometimes certain simple words or sentence would easily misunderstood because of the barrier. when we were leaving, one of the lady asked me not rush going home, she asked us to stay for a while, but i thought that since we have shake hands, and i have compliment the host about their food; i was thinking that she was asking we are staying...lucky the other lady could understand a little bit, so she have to explain..when i was at the door step i overheard they are talking and giggle, maybe they are talking about how i confidently giving a wrong answer or maybe they were not talking about me at all... ohh ya...i forgot to mention that they are actually indian national, the husband is malaysian. his mother just arrived from Chnennai yesterday for tomorrows ceremony. I think i should start learning tamil or hindi, i've learned few benggali words coz my father in law is a benggali, but unfortunately my husband are not that fluent either in tamil or benggali...so how can i learn , practice make prefect...one word could give a meaning and one word could give a big impression...

Architecture....

Today, after 1 year and 11 month working on this resort project, i finally have a chance to breath. just handed over this project to a new guy, from now on he will start a new design from scratch, what a relieved...

architecture to public eyes are something glamorous, high standard and easy to get rich, but in reality its totally different. people might think that architect just spend their time at drawing board, designing building. in fact we do a lot more that just design, we have to deal with authority, running a project from design to production, going to site and travel here and there. just imagine we studied for 6 six and ended up taking instruction from client, asking us to do what they want and desire. if we are lucky the project will go smoothly, even though there will be many changes. for those who are not so lucky like me, will definitely suffer entertaining insolvent client, the one that have big ambition with small amount of budget, they dream of building big complex, high standard design or anything that cross their mind without realising that their pocket are thin. sometimes the project that were given to us are interesting on plan, conceptually pleasing but then in the end hard to make it happen. therefore architecture is a tough job, there are many aspect to consider, we don't only think about aesthetic value or facade treatment but also the cost, cultural value, impact on local context because a building is a cultural and civilisation evidence of one society and nation.

one of the problem in malaysia nowadays are due to current scenario where we are over shadowed by developer especially for small practise where the relationship need to be build up. sometimes we need to design according to clients constraint (money)which surely effected the quality of the building. the best example is housing project where the main objective is profit, therefore our society has been mould to believed and accept that our standard requirement of space for malaysian family is only 20' x 70' or 24' x 75'..which sometimes are not applicable. standard single storey house comprises of three bedroom with two bath, kitchen and dining which are very tight and no proper ventilation. money are everything in this world, more money means better quality building, if the developer or the contractor are insolvent, the purchaser are the one who bear the consequences of having poor workmanship house.

anyway architecture is an interesting field, some people say that its a small world, but then you can't get the same experience as we did.

Wedding reception.... ..now and then

just came back from Chai's wedding, it good to see everybody were there. as planned we congreggate at Seremban R&R, then drive straight to Senawang, but then plan changed again due to another friend who wants to join us, so another checkpoint at Projet. it took us about 20 minutes to reached Chai's house. from far we could see white tent with purple scallop..its so sweet.


it was a buffet lunch, so without wasting our time, we just head for the delicious meal..nasi minyak and kurma. in some state they do serve plain rice for those who prefer or worry about their cholestrol level...
bride and bridegroom arrived at 2pm for 'bersanding'ceremony as stated in their invitation card. they are well clad in soft pink songket with purple flower decorating their dias.Chai look so sool...selamba je..but the bestman look nervous, or maybe he's too anxious...well this should be a rehersal for the bestman since he's getting married next year...
in Malay wedding there many custom that we practice today were actually copied from Indian culture; such as wearing henna/ 'inai = 'mehendi'and bersanding ceremony. even though it not our genuine cultur value, it has been practice for century and has become so commercialized.
then...
in the 60's or 70's, the trend were different, where the bride normally wear white gown and the bridegroom look smart in suit complete with a sunglass. i have came across few old photo of those period, its quite interesting, and i shows that trend and culture evolve simultaneous with music and fashion, especially from Western.
most people at that time would only decorate a 'pelamin'/ dias with potted plant especially palm and as for the backdrop they had this colourful light, or some people call it 'lampu kelip-kelip', or in Kedah they call it 'lampu lip-lap'....

food is one of the most crucial item that need extra attention before, during and after the wedding. mostly Malay wedding especially one that held in kampung doesn't cost much compared to Chinese wedding. nowadays people opt for catering where you can choose to have it buffet style or normal ways where guest are being served. this method surely save more time even though its a bit costly, but then the house owner, especially the parents doesnt have to worry wether the food are enough, or the glass, fork and spoon are well prepared. all they have to do is wait for the guest, greet them and collect their 'gift of money'..collection of the day...normally this reception only takes 2/3 days for preparation depends on the scale, and the receprion itself only a day...back then in typical kampung/village they took nearly 7 days to prepare for one wedding..just imagine all villagers will held a meeting, and a committe will be formed, each person has their own task, from preparing meal, washing the dishes, serving, cutting and slicing, grinding,..and for the bersanding ceremony including the akad nikah or in Kedah we call it 'akad khutbah'.. that particular house will be centre of attention during that period, people keep on coming giving sugar, rice, onion, kuih and some might give bunga telur (decorated boiled egg wrap in colored paper : as a give for guest). few days before the big day, tent has been erected, normally using bambo and decorated with colourful flags or state flag. women are busy in the kitchen, young girl preparing 'bunga telur' while men busy slicing meat normally chicken or cow. food were cook a night before or early in the morning on the day itself. even though i was still small at that time but i have observed a lot of interesting things that i could share here. it feels good to think about it even though there are things that i don't like especially the food. in some place beef are cook with banana shoot which make the curry turn grey, and it look terrible and scary..and sort of sticky..how can they invent all these kind of delicacies..
as for 'hantaran' or gift from bride to groom and vice versa, back then people used what ever available material as decoration, unlike current trend where lots of lace, beads, ribbon and fresh flowers are being used. not only the bride will prepare a few give, her relatives, friends and neighbours will also take this chance to display their skill in preparing hantaran. at that time most of item are food which then be arranged into other form, such as sugar wrapped in red plastic and they make it and arrange with leaves and it became a bunch of grapes, or maybe chillis depends on their creativity, some might turn a humble bath towel into a nice basket. one of the most important item is 'sirih junjung'/ betel leaves..normally older women will prepare this, at my place there were this granny who i call 'u'= shortform for 'tok su'. she was the one who people turn to when it comes to sirih junjung, it will be prepared in two tier, normally a brass plate, placed the betel leaves around it and insert red and yellow flower and jasmine for sweet scent...and also 'kapur and pinang'. the hantaran normally comes in many colours, some people prefer red, or some might choose yellow, therefore there were not well co-ordinated compared to now where people co-ordinate everything in same solour , tone and even a concept for their wedding from bedroom setting, dias, main table, to their cloth and almost everything..
either ways are good and suitable at their own time, even though now we have a lot of choice, we could afford expensive and grand wedding, the most important thing is we are happy and no debt..this the most crucial..

Trip to Senawang

it's a big day today for our officemate (Chai), a wedding ceremony will be held. i have never been to Senawang before but since we have a map, i think it should not be a problem...we are going to congreggate at Seremban tol at 12noon, but before that i have to pick up another friend at Serdang commuter station at 11am...its 10 o'clock now..i have done house chore, while my hubby is still in bed....
there will be about 5 or 6 cars heading to Chai's house...it's gonna be exciting but hopefully its a safe journey..
two years ago during our wedding, one full of bus and 4 cars came from Penang to Alor Setar, 90% are my hubby's relatives..that was a big crowd...well the more the merrier...:)

spinning

i should be thankful that since last month i have escape several incident..i almost hit somebody's car on the way to MPPJ somewhere near Sunway Pyramid..and there were a car who almost hit my back...
this week another thing happen at LDP, the road was slippery, and there was this hilux speeding and suddenly skidded and spinning and hit an Iswara infront of me..that was terrible...nobody hurts but it disturbing, imagine if we are in that kind of situation..that day alone 2 cars had the same situation, another one is in Putrajaya heading to Precinct 11....even though we are a well mannered driver, we still are not lucky driving in Malaysia...its dangerous at almost any route..people always say that we Asian are polite, soft..whatever..but when in comes to driving we forgot all those value...

weekend

its been a busy weekend..too many things to do, my hubby just started working on his weekend project: making a storage rack...so we have to clear and sort out all items in that small room. while i got house chore and at the same time i wish that i could go somewhere to unwind...maybe back to penang..had a cucur udang (gurney), or rojak buah at padang kota lama..