Thursday, October 12, 2006

Wish and hope during Ramadhan

Ramadhan come and go each year with different memory and experience, and this year is nothing less, it is even better than before.Last two years when we attended Iftar with a bunch of friends, the scenario and ambience were different, there were time where there was a deep uneasy feeling, feeling left out especially when other people were busy introducing their pregnant wife or busy managing their kids on the table. That bonus question was something that I don't like people to ask me coz I don't have the answer, all I could say was, 'Its God's Will'..most of the time I just sailed along and forget about just being 2 instead of 3 or more...

And today at the table I try not to hear the same question again being asked to other woman and I try not be the centre of attention. Pregnancy is the second best thing after marriage and we can't avoid all the attention, praise, greet and question from people around us but I can't bear looking at the other women who still trying for years and one who just finished her second cycle of medication.Coz I've been there......I know how it feels

The journey isn't smooth as we expected, some people will get it as they wish but some have to wait and still waiting. What makes me strong each day through out this rough journey is the thought that God will grant my wish sooner or later, and having a supportive partner and family are essential. I remember buying books of 'How To..'and never miss Discovery or Nat.Geographic channel on this topic and of course this simple programme - Anita, where they featured HRH Tengku Puan Pahang who had the same experience, I even wait for the repeat just to see her face and listen to her courage. There was one article about her and the TAFF in Prestige Magazine and I read the section not twice but many many times just to give my self, support, motivation and courage and stop grieving but appreciate Life coz they are people out there who are even worst.

For these women I hope they will be stronger and may their wish come true and never stop dreaming and asking from Him especially during this Ramadhan.

(Last week during Iftar hubby told me that last year at the same chair in our dining room he prayed for this Gift..and this year his wish has been granted, I almost cried when I heard about it)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It just 5 minutes before the break, but my tummy has started singing keroncong and other unfamiliar song, staring at the colourful meal makes it even worst and not to mention the aroma of laksa that makes our heart race faster. When the time came it usually started of with kuih and then heavy meal until my tummy bloated like a melon.
By 8.15pm we are ready with telekung at the madrasah, most of the time the madrasah were occupied by elderly who have to climb up that steep staircase.And the men used an old curved concrete staircase.The small madrasah could only make up 4 saf for women, so most of the time I was pushed to the corner next to the window and could hear the 'tok tok' sound clearly when the call for Isyak prayer.
Most of these women will also bring their grandchildren and that was the time when we get to know each other.One thing that I like being in this madrasah is the smell of fresh flower normally bunga cempaka or what my grandma used to call - 'bunga chempa', they stuffed it inside their telekung maybe as a replacement for perfume and they also wear a fashionable 'bedak sejuk' on their face :-)
Everytime before we start out terawih prayer, Bilal will called out loud 'Safff..',a reminder to all to keep a close distance while praying rather than leaving a big gap, he will also asked the boys to proceed to the back but most of them will only play not pray.

..That was in the 80's, when most of the women that I met was about in their 50 or 60's and now living in Putrajaya, the scenario is different, no more sweet scent of 'bunga cempaka' and 'bedak sejuk'.We have a big mosque here with intricate design and motives on its dome and interior and the space is spacious where it could accomodate thousands of people. A grand interior and high decorative ceiling can't beat the warm and cosy even sentimental value of old madrasah.This mosque was design with many considerations in mind but it still failed to provide the comfort especially its ventilation, where central cooling system doesn't work well here, therefore many stand fan need to be provided and this lead to a big gap of Saf. People will comfortably find a space directly behind the fan, and when the prayer start they don't care to move forward, some will who understand will definitely change the position.

Things are different, this is not a small town where people know each other, no more hugs and kisses on cheek after the prayer, no sound of grandfather's clock in an old madrasah...But I will try to do the best since this is the first time Ramadhan and Terawih with a litle one inside kicking during the prayer.