Road to Recovery: News on Malaria

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Road to Recovery: Emptiness

Wednesday 20/11/2013 6.45am - ICU Putrajaya Hospital People always says that waiting is a hard thing. Indeed, especially when you are alone in a cold long empty corridor and nothing else to do except looking at the vinyl floor and counting the lamp. I pray for his safety, I was confused..it happen too fast, but I need to stay calm. After subuh prayer, I don't know where to go. It was too early to leave the hospital. I never feel this way, being alone in this situation is different. Normally when he is not around, I can just carry myself and do my work as normal. But this is totally different.

There are three bags,one umbrella and one 100 plus bottle with me which I brought from ward. I left his towel and sandal and forgot about it. Too many things to carry and I left this bottle at the waiting room outside ICU and it was there for few days. It was like an indicator for whatever that I can't think of.

Road to Recovery

Life is full of colours and come in different shades, people always associates rainbow colours with happiness while shades of grey or black with darkness, sorrow and even death. I guess I'm in that grey zone now, its gloomy. We never knew what will happen until it really happen and we need to cope with it. That is what happen since last few days but if feels like everything happen too fast. Its just you are served with so many things and you can't really digest everything. He complaint about his fever since at Cheringin Resort, we thought that its a normal fever. When we met at UTM, he seems to be showing normal symptom of fever. We went to a clinic on Saturday but until Sunday his condition is still the same, high temp with vomit. We when to Emergency Department Hosp Putrajaya and was diagnosed as dengue fever, he was observed for few hours. I received a call from him at 2.30am saying that he's discharged. In a sleepy mode, I drove to Putrajaya and surprised how can they let him go just like that.

We when to KK Putrajaya the next day and was referred to Hosp Putrajaya again. By that time he was so down, in pain..It's hard seeing him like that. After almost two hours, he was admitted to Ward 4A. And the journey began from there. He can still smile, talk to me but not his usual self. He could hardly eat and drink, I spend time with him until midnight. I left the hospital with a heavy heart. But since its dengue fever, I thought that he'll be like other people. On Monday morning after the kids sent, i cook crab soup for him. Clean the house and wear a proper attire and put on my make up as he don't like seeing me messy without any make up..:) Friends were there at lunch time, he could only eat few spoons of rice and soup. After less than an hour, everything is out. It's almost like in-ou-in-out process. I know it must be really painful when you have to force things out from your stomach. His temp by then was up and down, hot and normal at interval time. He looks different, he's restless, he's not him to my eyes. His friends from HQ came and make a joke. But that wont make him happy, at that time he's like struggling inside to cover the pain.

I left at 5pm to fetch the kids. By 9pm he already sms and said 'I need u'..by that time I know that he's not in good condition. After rushing with dinner and left the kids with a heavy heart as well, I reached the hospital. His body temp was still high, I brought white towel to dab his body. He keep on vomiting and by 10pm the temp was 40 degree. Suddenly he asked me to choose one answer. I asked him which answer, he said A or B. I choose A, and he asked A is for what?...I said for Allah but he said No, its a riddle. I was a bit puzzled.

He was talking like normal again, and then he asked me to choose again A or B. He said if I solve that riddle, his stomach pain will go away. He asked me to press A, click enter button and move the cursor. I was so sad coz he seems to be confuse, actually his mind play tricks on him. I called a friend and cried, I need someone with me at that time. Family was informed about his state and they also tried to solved the so called riddle. The nurse asked him few question about the riddle, and when she asked him where he is, he said his in a forest..My heart broke at that time. I was scared...I keep on cooling down his temp, and he told to me to click on Mokhtar's answer..Ohhh it was so scared and sad looking at him in that state. Doctor came and checked, and she told me that he's confuse now due to the heat. By that time he was already given oxygen through tube. After further check up, he was transferred to Acute room and a mask was put on to help his breathing. He had difficulty breathing due to coughing. He cant just lie down or sit, every thing seems so wrong and uncomfortable. The temp was still high, the heart beat was too high and the oxygen level was decreasing. I pity him................ After around one hour:

The level of oxygen was under 90, it was a bad sign. Doctor keep on asking him to wear the mask properly or otherwise he'll be transferred to ICU alone without me. He try to used it properly but he seems so stress looking at the machine and many numbers on the screen. I old him not to look at the numbers at all. By that time his BP was increasing again and oxygen drop to 80. I was nervous as well.. By 3am: He as sweating, hardly breathing and the oxygen keep on decreasing to below 80 and NS was informed and it was a really hard situation to look at. I was informed that he need to be sent to ICU. He was like struggling..I don't know how to describe. By 4am we were already in ICU and it was a different ambiance and urgency. He was placed on another bed and while the doctor explained to me about his worrying condition, the other medical staff was cutting his orange DOSH t-shirt..I can't look at him anymore, its like cutting my heart. He need urgent rescue and he was struggling breathing..i could say that he looks a like fish..Ya Allah.... ..I was asked to wait outside..and I wait and wait and confused..guilty, sad..everything...informed family members.. I was sitting in a small waiting room...feeling alone..total loneliness... After one hour, I was called by doctors. 2 doctors with me and Dr Hisyam asked me with a serious face ..'what have i know about him'..and I told him everything that I know chronologically, about his medical history etc...AND he told me that my husband's condition was critical and its negative dengue..BUT maybe malaria or leptospirosis. I heard with calm and try to be strong..tried to digest the new and scary info. Doctor said that his chance is only 50/50 and if he survive he might have brain damage or stroke. I don't know how I feel at that time. And he asked me to call family members to visit him. ...AND the journey just BEGAN.........

Recap

What a long silence for this blog, been very busy with so many things. FB is distracting me from jotting down anything here..blame it on FB..haha Anyway, its been more than seven months from my last post. We are now at our new abode, not far from previous house. It depends on perception and experience whether its far or not, coz for those living in Klang Valley, long distance definition is different from people in Alor Setar :) 2013 started with a exam result for me..but the kids were adjusting with their new school, new environment and expectation. I notices that early education if harder now in Malaysia. The expectation and effort from teachers and parents are way much different if I compare with my time. Even a requirement to enter certain schools come with a list that looks like a resume or portfolio for job application..grrr Time changed, so does the system, expectation and standard. I hope that my kids are able to cope with all these and I need to make sure that their childhood should be full of colours, not only stuck with books and homework..:)

Quest for Lighting

This is an interesting part of moving into a new house - the shopping part, it could be daunting, overwhelming, personal...but the most important is what we want, what is our concept, what is our budget.. We have doing online browsing, but at the end of the day its better when we go and have a look of the real thing.

we went to Houses Lightings in Puchong, there are many choice at an affordable prices, but if you don't find the one that you desire, its better to wait until the new stock delivered.

..and this is from One Stop in Bangi at Jalan Reko, there are interesting looking hanging light and chandelier..but too expensive.

..these are from Houses Lightings, one month after our first visit. The important thing to consider is location of the lights, size, colours of the light either cool white or warm white, material and the length of the cable. We bought extra for the staircase hanging light due to high ceiling.

Initial Idea for ID

It was not that easy when you are in the business of design and architecture, you have so many ideas but so little budget. There are so many inspiration from the internet, books and amgazine or from previous project. But it all come down to one important aspect - Money..money..money We started off with throwing some ideas, we did not renovate since there is no more space to extend. We decided the scope of work and then find inspiration or concept.

And it started from 'resort' to 'modern'...and at one time i thought of having an 'Arabic 1001 night' concept...but now I have to think of something that looks contemporary but could blend with our existing furniture.

we went to Ikea for looking for some ideas for the kids bedroom, obviously they already knew what colour that they want for their bedroom :)

some ideas for kitchen cabinet design from Ikea and supplier..its hard to choose to colour but not the finishes since we already knew our budget. So we choose concrete top for durability and finish it with 2' x 2' tiles. Other options are solid surface and melamine but some supplier will give a different name like Maica or Miko top but actually the material is the same.

New life

Oh what a life..i feels like a pizza in a small pan with too many toppings..not sure whether its good or bad :) Its almost three months now driving to KL four days a week for my class, its a dream come true pursuing this master but there is nothing in this world that come easy like a snow ball.

Sufiya and Hadif during registration day..and their new talkative friend.. The reality of matured student is totally different from undergrad years where time spent only on studying-eating-sleeping..and that was it...but now since we are living apart, the list of task of works comes in a broad range, it could be categorised as Kids-House-Kids School-My Study-Kids Meal...etc..and the new house. It feels like 24/7 is never enough, but of coz I can't blame it on anybody, this is the choice that want, or a path that I choose, so I have to tackle it or fix it. As for the new house, we so excited about the progress, it's not DIY except for the painting part of the feature wall :)... It was not an easy task for us, we took a very long time deciding the colour, the layout of the ceiling, the choice of kitchen hood and hob...there are times that I wish that I'm not in the business, so that I could just pass it all to the contractor..

Even to choose an outdoor or porch hanging lamp is really hard..:)

New venture, new environment, new hurdle..but will definitely try my best to achieved what I have planned with lots of prayer.

Its already October and its been more than a month i left this space without any update. Still juggling many things like before but at different place. Hope it will be smooth.

Ramadhan 21

It's already day 21 of fasting month and time sure flies..this year it's totally a different Ramadhan for us, alone with kids. The first two weeks was smooth, all prepared accordingly with at least three menu served on dining table. But since last week, the pace and mood has changed, I end up eating dates and still cooking at 7.35pm. Kids are excited to celebrate Raya in Alor Setar, especially Sufiya who wants to eat ketupat and 'main bunga api'. She's been asking her Abah to buy those lampu raya..I think that I like the idea as well. It brings back childhood memories.

Slow recovery

Its been 7 days that she suffered from diarrhea..and last night we when to see the doctor again, and if her condition still continue, she need to be admitted due to dehydration. I can't imagine if she were to be admitted, such a small baby with drips and such.. At least last night she started eating butterscotch bread..half of it.. And she's happier after having a chat with her aunty..

Affected

Life is really like a box of MnM Nips chocolate, colourful..but unexpected. Its been nine months that we live this long distance relationship. And it does affect our family especially for kids who need care and love. Little pumpkin should not be called pumpkin anymore, she's more like a sweet potato..reduced the scale :-) She's not feeling well since last Thursday, with vomiting and diarrhea...she refused to eat, she only drink her milk and plain water. She also had infection in her throat, I think that is why she feel uneasy eating solid food. She need more attention ...and she could easily cry if I did not hold her and she will grab her teddy bear..poor little girl. I really hope that this long distance thingy could end soon.

Hadif's 4th Birthday

Its a long break for this blog..been caught up with many things lately. Hadif's fourth birthday was on the 30th June and we had a small occasion at Saba Restaurant Cyberjaya. That was fine for him as long as he got to wear that cone shape hat and a birthday cake. What else a four years old could ask rather than a cake.. But his birthday present is on the way ;P

Happy Birthday Hadif..be a good and wise person my little Ben 10...

Today is a big day for little pumpkin who turned one..no celebration for her as abah is rushing to go back for work. We sang for her and took some photos of her in her new pink dress at the park for keepsake. .

Happy Birthday Sufina, we will always love you

Jalan-jalan di Perlis

My first visit to Gua Kelam, Perlis was when I was only 17 just after finished SPM. It was a great experience walking thru natural formation inside that cave of darkness and at the end of the tunnel you could catch a glimpse of sunlight..you'll walk slowly on timber deck and suddenly a breath taking view awaits you...hilly area with big shady trees...But that was 13 years ago...

We were unlucky that day because it was closed due to flood last few weeks..we ended up spending time at the stream.



As usual he could be in the water for few minutes..the rest of the time just at the edge.


Cheeky girl..she loves the water so much..

Later that day we went to Muzium Kota Kayang, about 30 minutes from Gua Kelam..

Single storey structure with detailing..but not famous among locals..

Some of the artifacts





Entrance to a small cave at the compound of royal tomb - Almarhum Sultan Kayang the first.

Interesting rock formation..Ionce dream to be an archeologist, digging and looking for ancient stuff and treasures..the passion is still inside.. :-)

Its colder further in...

..and spookier....I brought Hadif along together with my brother in law, we did not go further as its getting narrower.

We headed to Kuala Perlis for seafood dinner..at Lynda's..

Ikan stim asam boi

Ikan bakar..they served the best sotong goreng tepung..

I wish I could bring them to many other places..maybe on a road less travelled..

Darulaman Park

Our long holiday was well spent..time and money and value... :-))




Darulaman Park, Tanah Merah...we took a buggy ride for 20 minutes and the rest of the time was fish feeding..I wish that they have a better and variety facilities though.

Women's Day

Its women's day today and I've been wearing two hats for the last five months. I'm not sure how my progress so far but whenever the kids compliment my food or stuff that I prepared for them, it really made my day.

I've tried to fully utilized their schedule especially on weekend when abah is not around.






I'm looking forward for something different this year..really hope that it will be better.

Mini celebration

07-02-2012 Tasty Tuesday

I am trying to make everyday that pass by is just like a normal day ..just the same way when their abah is around. Even a small event for a big day.

Sufiya has been reminding me of her birthday since last month, she want to have a calender so that she can cross every single day until her big day. In order to make her happy despite abah is not around, we managed to had a small birthday.

It was supposed to be all handmade birthday..but since I'm not good in baking department..it was only handmade deco..made with passion and anticipation from the three of them.

We made bunting out of recycled paper from my office..I wrote all the letters and let them coloured and decorated the bunting.
Lil pumpkin was happy with the preparation..she was aiming at that new coloured pencils since our art day out last weekend.. :-))

She was happy and won't eat her breakfast on that day except for her birthday cake.

At around 4pm with one small cheese and chocolate cake, multi coloured donuts and few desserts we celebrated her birthday..sans abah....

I hope that it was a meaningful day for her even though it was just a simple celebration.

Sunny Saturday

We have not been able to spent time like before since we moved to this house and since their abah is working in Kedah. Its a perfect sunny Saturday morning I decided to bring them out rather than just camping inside the house.

Sometimes its hard to handle three kids alone at one time but I don't have a choice, I always need to think and to prioritized..wether to clean the house and arrange everything according to colour and sizes or to spent time teaching them with reading and writing..I choosed to spent my precious time with them.

Brought them to a playground at Alamanda and met a lady who have been through a rough time..alone with four kids while he husband in Sarawak and she was in KL, and then she was transfered and still could not live together...it was s brief chat..less than five minutes but very meaningful..she gave me a warm pat..and asked me to be strong..InsyaAllah..I think I will survive..

Treat them with colouring books and new Swan colour pencils..
Lil pumpkin was sleeping while big sis and brother busy looking for their books, he wants Ben 10 set of colouring book and sticker and the price is not cheap..knowing him, I refused to buy because that book wont last even for one week.

She took something with Barbie but as a Queen..I didn't agree with her idea.. :-))

Orhan Pamuk's The Museum of Innocence for me..have not been reading since working at new office..

They were happy with their books and we left for some outdoor activities..


They colour and enjoy the slide in between...if there is a waterfall nearby I will surely go there..I hate the thought that they could only play indoor due to my lack of time and their abah is not around....







..Hope this will be a good start...