T. E. S. T

N I L E - F A I N T

..'T'

My mother call me today at 11.14am telling about my sister who is still on mc until today..she is supposed to be at the office by today,but seems like she need extra rest. To make things worst, we can't even call her handphone due to coverage problem in Jitra and her mother in law telephone is also the same..nobody pick up..when it comes to her, a fever is not just a normal fever..that is what made my mom worry..and there is still no news of her condition from her side.

Thalassemia is a disease which could not be cured, some kind of blood disorder inherited from either one of the parent who carry Thalassemia Minor. We discovered about this just few years ago, I think that was when she were hospitalised at Hospital Langkawi.

At early stage we didn't know anything about this big 'T',but she looks pale and sometimes suffer bleeding nose and has been hospitalised at tender age but the doctor could not trace anything..just doing test and more test.

The first time she had blood transfusion was in Langkawi, according to the doctors it was quite a surprise because normally patience will need regular supply.

I know that she is relying on Homeopathy treatment now, regularly goes to a clinic at Tanah Merah, Jitra..she needs to take care of her food intake, spicy food should be avoided as well as sour..iron is important but not too much of animal internal organ.

I don't know, I will try again to call them and hopefully my family back there could arrange to see her..All I could do from here is pray for her well being..

$ 3 \ / E 1\1...things to do

Nothing interesting to share this weekend, just plain and boring way of spending time alone at home..thought of going for shopping spree at Isetan..need a pair of those pointed shoe, i lost the black one..couldn't figure out where, been searching for it since last month..
hubby is still busy with his class,so forget about shopping, even a walk to Alamanda(few minutes away)is a hard task..
I have a long to-do-list but only few that i have started working on:-

1-Fill in my log book - 0.5 %done..
2-Painting project - awaiting for inspiration..;-(
3-Mini Research of Sbg Perak- 30% done, need more fact and info..
4-To buy a square pot - dreaming of having my own spice garden(ala Jamie Oliver's kitchen)
5-Books- to finish up : Fountainhead & Snow falling on cedars
6-Facial - i had a bad experience during my last session, the lady was too harsh and the cream got in my eyes and nose..what a painful experience
7-Travel - need to be by the beach..maybe Langkawi (kasi Simah jeles sikit..)

Its Sunday, seven minutes to seven o'clock and here I am, dreaming of a great escapade...

Balls and more balls...

..The game that unite the whole world, forget about the war, about racism, about palestin..the time has come- thru a sport that bring us together..?or making us (married couple)drifting apart (for a while).

The football fever has started..and yeah..as usual people are celebrating, promoting, making money and planning event that relate to it.

Last nite hubby told me that he and few of his friend has agreed to watch the final and celebrate the moment of victory with big crowd..not in Berlin but at mamak restaurant in Putrajaya, which will be at maybe 3 am..hmm, One of them even jokingly planned to wear office attire during the match coz for sure it's going to be a long event..teh tarik, watching the game, teh tarik again, finish, then discuss about the game..that will dragged their time..

There will be another important final match between 'Myteam' and Malaysian team end of this month..so another day of staying alone enjoying vanilla chocolate ice-cream while watching the same match..and trying to catch a glimpse of him..mana tau..kot kot lensa kamera terfokus kat depa...

When I was in secondary school, girls were into Gary Lineker (not sure the spelling), I think he played for England..then during Piala Malaysia and during the victorius season of Hijau Kuning team, names like Radhi Mat Din and few others were famous.
'Hijau Kuning' song were everywhere.."keeedah..kedah pantang kalah, walau sakit jatuh dan rebah..bangun lantas semula gagah..mujur lalu melintang patah.."..la ni macam terus rebah...tak bangun bangun dah..those were the days where green and yellow outfit will be a perfect combination and one would not feel ackward but full of pride...I was there back in 1993 at the airport wearing baju kedah and bunga manggar waiting for the player..hampeehh..

Time pass by and new faces replaced the seat specially brought in or bought from oversea : Adigoon and few other who I can't recall, the strategy was to inject a better combination thru these imported players.

As for international player, there were only few thatt catch the attention not because of the skill but..ehemm..look..like Alexandro Del Piero of Juventus and Henry of France, I wasn't into David-Spice-Victoria..too commercial..(p/s: to hubby-sorry dear if you read this).

All I could do is enjoy the experience, the memory and now just accept the fact that this moment only happen once every four years...lets get the jersey and the banner...!!!

Che Mah..

She were the best, the most understanding and open minded among all teachers. She open up a door to the unknown for the student in all girls school. She teached Maths, but the best moment spent with her was during Girl Guide session, camping or other outdoor activities. A plump lady with simple headscarf and a very big eyes..that is my Cikgu Che Mah..the best teacher one could ever have at times where rules are too strict and boys are monsters...

She was like a mother even though she was single, we..the girl guide look at her as if she is an angel..every Girl Guide activities are an opportunities to escape from boring classroom, mundane routine, snobbish prefect, sleepy history class..and the list goes on..I learn a lot from her, learn about the art of surviving out there, the harsh world..learn about social skill and communication..

In the late 80's, activities that include boys were considered a taboo..strictly a no no..(we were in Convent school)..then there came Cikgu Che Mah who lets the bird fly freely..its not that we want the freedom, maybe it was just human nature, curiosity and anxiety..the line has been drawn when we organise Kemporeka ( camping, contest, BBQ, Camp fire),but of course there were some who tried the cross the border..and that has became a target from more senior teachers..who then would complained about our so-social-activities..hmmm...

Our relationship with her extend beyond school hours, her terrace house infront of Istana Anak Bukit was the place to hang out and during Aidilfitri that was a must visit house.

The last time i talk to her was back in 1997 through friends who help me to find out about her and she was teaching at special school..and now the feeling of missing has come again. If i have a chance to see her, all I want to say is 'thank you'...and a big huggg..

Happy Teacher's Day..to all teachers out there who put their heart and effort and sacrifice..especially for those who are dedicated teaching deep inside the kampung..far from comfort.

Others who are still in my memory:
-Pn Rogayah - BM teacher aka mak datin - stylo, big hair and more into music than teaching..heheh..(Nurshila amin, ramlah ram..), her favourite word - 'lah'..
-Mr Lau -Art teacher - thank you for letting us used the studio as a hiding place
-Mrs Sharmala - the one who knock our head..@#@$#..;-D
-Mrs Tan - English teacher - how to pronounced 'th'..the front row will always will be showered with her 'air liur'..

h O o d h o t e r m - the code

Scene 1: That busy ant is feeling sad and left out despite her busy day juggling work task, from one place to another. She have been trying to be a Queen and start her own colony with a perfect mate..Until now her dream is just a dream..Everything are fine, so what is wrong with this ant..Maybe she should stop worrying about her work..Or maybe she need to take a break..Wait for another season for perfect timing to build her own nest...
_________________________________________________________________

Sometimes we think that life is not fair, the world is not fair..We expect things come our way just easily with no obstacle..Just closed our eyes and the wish will be granted..How simple and easy life could be if its just as simple as that. I believe that there is a reason of all this..Even though deep down inside I hope and hope everyday that one day that good news will be mine. Everyday is a countdown..The clock is ticking, time passed by..And its just the same..

Precious gift will come at a perfect time planned by Him, no matter how well we try to make it happen.

Maybe I need to look in different perspective, look into spiritual side rather than physical, anatomy, medical or psychology..Pray harder and be positive.

I'm lucky to have him who are supportive and understanding..

Not-a-masterpiece

A group of ants just come out from their hiding place and are now busy working around collecting stuff for the new season. The leader of the working group is cracking her head to come out with a better and effective plan to speed up their work..she work and work until she can't fall asleep and if she did, it was just a short one after the first few hours interrupted by nightmare....

That busy ant is me with thinking hat..been so busy since last month juggling too many things at one time...its the time of the year where things are moving faster than before,project which were so slow last year are now speeding up..not one but almost all..driving every week to Malacca has made me an expert tour guide..Alor Gajah, Bukit Katil, Bukit Beruang, Old town, Linggi, Ramuan China Besar, Pengkalan Balak..tiring but its worth it to see all those hardwork, effort and idea are now become reality, not only nice to look at on paper..(I wonder how the master designer of Giza felt upon completion of that masterpiece..?) ...they just want us to keep on wondering about their creation..clever..

Dreamland.......

I just need a good sleep................

Long distance relationship

I still remember them, still remember their warm hospitality and sacrifice..I know that it has been almost eight month now since our visit last year. Hubby and I sometimes still talking about them, cherish every moment we spend there..laugh at every jokes..and I did cry alone when I think about them. It is just a communication breakdown..long distance relationship.

Does it mean that we forgot someone when we didn't even give one phone call? Money and technology are not a problem, its all about 'language'.

Mama (my father in law) called hubby this morning and told him that Bhod Babu and their family keep asking about us and why we never call..not even once..? Why hubby and I never talk to them again...?

Language is a tool and sometimes become a barrier (what an excuse)..I only know few words and sentence, and hubby is not fluent compared to his brother. Benggali language is different from Hindi, I came across a grammar book for Hindi but not Benggali..

When we were in Calcutta, Mama and Mami will be our interpreter..I tried to speak and learn from one of the menantu there and jot down few words for my own reference, I even sketch a picture and ask their niece and nephew to help me with vocab..
Ghour = house, lal = red, upper = upstairs, mas = fish, chinglimas = prawn, bas = enough, kemano ha so = how are you?, balo ache = i'm fine, chota = small....see how poor I am..Spent 11 days and only few words that I grab..:-(
There are times that I simply speak bahasa Malaysia because I could not fine and construct any sentence..so we ended up being 'ayam dengan itik'..and sign language were useful at that time...

I understand how they feel..when you have a family who stay very far and could only meet once in 5 years, Mama left Calcutta when he was only small..in his early adolescent, left his family and relatives but I know his heart is still there. Each visit is like a final visit, we never know when will we meet again..isn't it sad..




Tonight will be the night, we will call them..shame on us..
maybe I should list down what to ask in Benggali with a translation, but what if they ask me back things that are not in my list..Hubby said: "cakap je apa-apa, dalam english pun takpe.." Come on, you can do it, this is not an examination..!!

I got 2A, 1B for my Bahasa during Oral Exam (SPM), 3A for English..so now I still have to learn new language, not one but two..going back to Penang and I shall tune to Tamil..(yena?, yare?,ayo yo ..;-)

Reality world of architecture

Alhamdullillah..things went smoothly after so many hard work and frustration. The next step is preparing myself and set a timeframe from now until 2007, the journey need to be continued, I just passed few obstacle and more to come...definitely.
Being in a male dominated industry makes people like me need to push forward harder, wiser with strategic plan and being competitive at the same time, but woman are just woman..the way we perceived things and handle stress are different, while male counterpart could just forget about it, we on the other side still thinking about it.

Creativity wise woman are at par but when it comes to technical stuff, we need to absorb more (not to generalise). I'm talking from my own personal experience where I always have the feeling of being just like them,competent, creative, independent..intelectual, rational etc..and the list goes on. Some people said that woman should have a better design flair due to our nature which are sensetive, loving and caring but the reality is way too far, being just creative or come out with excellent design is not enough. This scope is bigger than just drawing and sketching, it's a combination of art and sciences. The art of managing ourselves, communicating with clients and consultants, handling complaints and comment on our design are the elements which we hae to deal with and the sciences of it comes in technology of construction, methodology and production. Public perception to our profession are from what they see at the outer layer, where they think that it is glamourous, professional, well and highly paid..and mass media help to build this perception in tv commercial and movie.

In the last century, architect are master builder, mr-know-it-all, from fine art-design-detailing-engineering-anatomy-landscape-interior..people like Leornado Da Vincci,Raphael. Design and building requirement are different, specialiased field were limited and the client were less demanding.

Current world is more challenging, we can't just wait and see and accept whatever come our way, we need to move out and explore more, we are no longer inventor but much more like a copycat..study other peoples design, change a bit to suit the site, budget and design brief..

Since this is what I choosed to be, I will go for it..no matter what.

Roller coaster ride..

Things happen for a reason, life is not always turn out the way we want it to be.Sometimes the best thing could come out from what we thought bitter to swallow. Last week I was on a roller coaster ride at more than 110mph..feels like screaming out loud but my voice stuck half way my throat..blood rushed to my face..No, I wasn't at Genting or any fun fair, but stuck with b@$#^* people who never understand or bother to follow rules and regulation, and never want to admit their mistakes.

Here I go again talking about my work..but I just want to share it and make people undestand. Some people think that money could buy anything, maybe it has become a culture now in order to get fast approval they will go to that extend..buying and selling dignity. Following the right path to our destination is no longer required in this so called money-oriented-world, if you know other alternative access even though it is illegal, you just go that way..and to make it worst people behind the door would simply allow these people in and leaving the rest who used the old path to keep on waiting and waiting..until only God knows..it is not fair for the later who try to follow rules that has been set out. Is it fair for people who try to be on right track to take all the blame for not going off track like what they did...

To this people, local authority are just people who wants to grab some opportunity and easy money. Maybe some, but we can't generalized just because of one bad apple..

It almost passed my limit, I've been compromising a lot, following what they want..things are not in order, insufficient document, rules has been bend, and left only on paper..and I don't want to look like fool when I have to present things which is incomplete,half way done and everything totally jumble up..like rojak, pasembor, fruit cake....

It has cloud my life the whole weekend, thinking about what might happen today. I have projected what could turn out and after Subuh prayer I just pray for the best, I will take whatever come my way..even if I were given to take it or leave it.

Alhamdulillah..now its 5.40pm..I've overcome the obstacle, I've choosed my path and at the same without leaving any negative impact on anybody...its worth it to be patience and leave it the Almighty to open the path..
I will proceed working on it but on my own way!

Misleading route

Gospel of Judas:
I watch National Geographic Investigation on manuscript that believed as Gospel of Judas, and a team of expert and scholars were trying to proof that those are authentic manuscript. The way they reconstruct the whole story plot from where the gospel has been found,black market of antiquity, technique of carbon dating and putting these fragile papyrus paper together was great and outstanding with help of technology and of course big budget have been allocated for this investigation.

Gospel of Judas was thrown away by orthodox church who believed that Judas has betrayed Jesus and he was responsible for his suffering..This is the reason that they believes this gospel was hidden for a purpose of burying the truth of what really happen after the last supper.. As we all know there are too many version of testament, everything has been revised to suit personal interest. After the death of Jesus, there were gospel of Mark, Luke, Matthew (to name a few)that has been used.

For centuries Judas (pronounced as Huda) has been labeled as evil, bad and greedy, and through this gospel they found his so called true identity and what actually happen that nite, where Jesus knew that one of his disciple will betray him and he revealed the identity of that betrayer and asked him to proceed with his task and it shows that Judas was just doing what he was asked to do..To free a soul which trap in a body..?
In one of the dialog between Jesus and Judas..Jesus was addressing him as..'Ya Judas..' (sounds like ..Ya Huda = Yahudi).

Even though they have found that the manuscript are authentic, its content doesn't cover much about history of Jesus or what so ever but it does giving new dimension of Judas which I believe this documentary is actually just another propaganda of Jewish society which are scattered in America and behind of all these mega investigation. Whether its Gospel of Judas, Mark or Matthew or Who-ever, we should strongly believe that there is only one God and The Messiah will be sent to us..
Sometimes its hard to avoid all these intellectual, spiritual treat from our very own enemy which they try to do it slowly with careful planning, like a river flowing smoothly across the valley...This treat are nothing new in Islam, they have been trying and trying for centuries and we must be strong enough to overcome whatever coming our way..I am not good in this philosophy or tassawuf or religious matter, but this is the only thing I could share with fellow blogger..

For futher reading, I would suggest this book: Jerusalem in the Quran by Imran N.Hossein, its a good book..

Salam Maulidur Rasul to all..

P/S Please correct me if I'm wrong in translating the whole concept

My precious..

...precious gift from lovely husband on my birthday..thank you..
love you so much, may this year will bring us more happiness..

Hope and dream

..F R U S T R A T I ON..

Colours of Life

I'm always amused by any dot, splashes or stroke of colours, from soothing blue, to fresh green and mysterious black to feminine purple. Colours have been proved could be a therapeutic agent, or healing power.The substance believed could stimulate our mind and senses, from gloomy to sunny mood, from dark to bright hue.

Some believe that black is associated with evil, black magic, black metal, voodoo..Some creepy and dark world, but black also on the other hand could accentuated ones figure, that is why we have little black dress.

Red wether its chilli red or blood red is hot and sensual, people who wear red outfit normally considered as trying to seek for attention. It also reflect fast and furious action for example The red team of F1. In Benggali language red is called 'lal'=ang=merah.




Colour that we thought fresh is green, lime green, apple green, floresence green, neon green, PAS green..sometimes green is soothing to our eyes but at certain times its shocking and irritating, green was the colour for everything for the last 2/3 years, from wedding to house decoration people are crazy over this colour.Kedah is the best palce to see a changes of colour every few months, from musim membajak, menanam and menuai (harvest season).

All my life I'm attached to black, head scarf, shirt, pants, handbag, eyeliner, ring..I was the girl who people known as the one who always wear black, so it was easy to recognized me, but that doesn't mean that I live in a dark world or practised any black magic..its kind of safe feeling wearing this colour, and to me it looks strong and to be frank I like the idea of looking mysterious..the crow has inspired me a lot.. Been in this industry where colours play an important role, its interesting to discover new hue and tone, red is not just plain red or primary red: it could be earth red, brick red, heritage red, signal red..and blue are more than just the blue sky: they have baby blue, forget-me-not blue (suitable for a clinic-thanx to Dr Halim-Medivron Putrajaya), cobalt blue, ocean blue, coral blue..bukan otak b@%* sudah...;-)

There are times it's quite hard to choose and determined which colour could match each element, for women we have so many pallette to choose from smokey effect of eyeliner to clean and natural make up to couture concept, there are millions of shades to experiment with. Our life is never boring, so colourful.

I've come out from my all black closet since last two years..black is still my main choice but with a dash of other colour to brighten up my day, no more all black outfit with brown lipstick...

Sunday Morning

I woke up and couldn't find my handphone to check the time, the room looks cozy and I could feel a damp air inside the room..stroke my hand on the new bedsheet lazily..it feels like we have been sleeping in air-condition room, but to our surprised, it was actually splashes of rainwater..I walk to the window, staring at the road down there looking for evidence of early morning rain, the road looks dry like there was no rain pouring down for the last few hours....maybe its the material of the bedsheet, so I thought, and continue my sleep for another 30 minutes...

Expression

What outside is actually from inside which have been influenced by external elements..what I mean is what ever come out from us either idea or thought are a collection of substance from surrounding that has been around us for years, months or minutes. Our mind and brain are the most complicated and genius creation and gift from God which could absorb every single thing. The we experience those the longer we remember it and sometimes a short span experience but crucial might gives a significant impact to our life. Some people would express what they feel through painting, poem, essay, music, sculpture and what ever form of expression allowed. Expression is an appreciation, appreciation of oneself, of culture, civilization, heart and soul, journey and transition as well as God. Some are good at expressing through cartoon as what Datuk Lat did. He travelled from a small town in Ipoh to Kuala Lumpur to pursue his dream as cartoonist just like his idol: Raja Hamzah. A journey from a small town to a big city might be a big transition period for a young lad but deep down inside he is just a normal humble kampung boy.
There was a documentary on Astro yesterday on Datuk Lat, it was a sincere biography from somebody who wants to be famous and then feeling uneasy and trying to aviod all the attention and admiration.
From his art work it shows that his childhood experience is the most significant and memorable to him, every detail has been composed and presented well until one could dive into his world..from her English teacher with bee hive hair (Mrs Hew), to traditional houses, kampung games and a lot more element that we could never get now.

In this fast moving era, form of expression has evolved from chinese brush and ink to airbrush and latest we have more advance software that could create lively and soulful images, with all this latest technology everybody could have their own creation..and not to forget blogging..it is also kind of expression..words and pictures..

How fast things are moving, Pentium D or whatever, still the brain need to be maintain, this is the most powerful processor that we could never replaced.

Hope and dream

C O U N T D O W N

Come out and play

I didn't follow the Commonwealth Games everyday but I just keep up to date with the medal collection from the newspaper. Poor Nicole who have tried so hard under pressure to maintain her title..

During my childhood time, kids will play outdoor games according to season, if it is Piala Thomas, then everybody will insist their parents to buy a racket, not necessary Yonex..anything that can serve, RM 20 racket will do..main pun depan rumah..kira ok la, masa tu dongak ke langit nampak shuttle cock..time berangin pun tak kisah, belasah je..demam main badminton will only last around 1 month..at the end, the racket were hang inside store room, or lying under the bed or maybe dah terputus tali. Childrens of our time are more adventurous with more playing time spending outside the house exploring semak samun, climbing trees, 'tuju tin' and not forgotting playing 'kawin-kawin'..kecik2 dah nak kawin!!..budak2 la katakan..

There were also time when kite flying was the 'game', I was still in secondary at that time. Kites of various sizes and colours has been design using bambo, butter paper and decorated with colored paper or sugar paper. Most popular kite design was the 'wau bulan', without the intricate elements as originally came from the East Coast. Some who were more adventurous will add tails and came out with not-so-common shape.
December is the season for kite since the wind is stronger (musim timur) and the weather is quite pleasant. I like to watch the kite fly high up like there is no boundary, the feeling was surreal, laying on the wooden floor while looking at the sky through the window..colourful kite behind a blue sky, one could lost themselves looking at this. There were nasty kids who brushed those shattered glass on to the rope, this way they cut cut their friends rope if they happen to cross each other kite..some of them will suffer a little cut on their finger, but this never stop them. Boys will always be boys..

There is another 'game' or sport/ martial art that was popular : silat. This is one of the most ancient art form in our traditional Malay culture, rooted maybe hundreds years back. Generally silat in our region are almost the same,there are four kinds of silat:spiritual, self-defense, artistic silat and sports silat. There are many types of silat and varies according to their ideology, such as silat cekak, silat gayung,silat lincah, silat sendeng..to name a few and Kedah are well known with 'silat cekak'.
Since I life in 'kampung' environment, we have a spacious compound infront of my house which has become a social space for kids play area, playing 'polis-polis' and even a funeral event for the Chinese where they burn paper house. One of my relative used to be 'guru silat', I did not remember which silat.. There was this sandy area where he erected bambo post and clad with gunny sack, training session were only held at night, we could hear their voices from the gunny sack..'Hahh-hahh!!..'it sounds mystical at night especially during the full moon, maybe it was just my imagination, too much reading 'Bercakap dengan jin' (Tamar Jalis).

I had 'no professional' training in silat, but my father thought us simple basic steps of silat,enough to defend ourselves. Silat compared to other martial art are more artistic and faster in terms of hand movement and more powerful..this is what my father always emphasize. Silat is a combination of traditional and spiritual as well as self discipline, we have to follow what our 'guru' told us to do, strong body and big muscles are not enough, it is the power of mind that matters. One who wish to 'berguru' normally need to go through certain stages and they are required to complete each stages in order to graduate.

It is part of our cultural value that we should not neglect, this is what makes us different..during my uncle's wedding we had silat performances infront of the bride and bridegroom complete with background music of serunai and gendang (from a cassette). My father and few of his friends moves gracefully while the crowd looking at them and at that time I was so proud to be his daughter. I was so obsessed with silat after that and start buying silat magazine: 'Pendekar' and imagine myself wearing a black custom and head band kicking and punching like a lady warrior..

Hopefully silat will be in our society even though there are many other alternative of sports and martial art. It would not die as long as we believe in it and appreciate it as a continuation of our civilisation.

Until today I still got the moves..silat cekak..cekak pinggang je la..

The many faces of suffering

Trip to Linggi yesterday was not that bad as I expected, driving alone for more than three hours along plantation area with too many cows crossing. Life in kampung are much more peaceful compared to us in conrete jungle, even though their house looks like falling apart, but still they could give us a smile from their heart.

When we travel, we will always look for something different, something new or better than what we have now in our country. Sometimes the thing that we didn't expect to see is the best thing to remember and make us realise that we are lucky in some way. Until today, i could still recall all the places that I've been to, all the great building by the master architect and the wonder of the world, but the most memorable images is not the Eiffel or Taj, but the faces of the children and elderly who suffer in silent. The faces that you are not going to forget..forever.

I went to Tehran in May 2001 after almost 10 days touring around Europe, it was a humble beginning seeing everything in brown from the aircraft..mount and building looks almost similar. It was a spectacular landscape, Black hijab over a brown background. The ambience was totally different, great development, fast moving transit and suddenly everything change. No more blond in black leather jacket with Gucci bag walking confidently across the street, the sight has been replaced by Iranian women with black hijab. I don't really bother about the women, coz I can't see and interpret anything behind that hijab, but I was touch looking at little childrens who keep on following us, asking for money..We have the same situation here in Malaysia, but then seeing them in foriegn country gives a different impact and the men also have this kind of expression, a face which having a burden or something, I don't know how to describe, but next time on tv when you see Iranian President: Ahmedinijad, try to look carefully and you'll know what I mean, look at the eyes..deep inside. They have sufferred a lot, but yet there are among the strongest and humble compared to other Middle East country.

I thought I've seen it all in Iran, but when I was in Calcutta, India last year, I had the same experience but even worst that what we see in tv, its far from reality, India with high population can't afford to distribute prosperity and wealth to each state. The road is crowded by pedestrian not the vehicle, children were running around with no shoes, white shirt that has turn grey, smelly and some with flies on their face. Old woman with stick wandering asking for some rupee, woman with a baby on her arm..chanting..'Are baba, moina baba..' looking for attention and sympathy to feed the baby. Until today her voice is still in my memory, it's hard to let it go.







In Calcutta most women breast feed their children until the age of two, the don't mind about their skinny body with lack of vitamins and no proper medications, and they even seldom go for maternity check up. Women are to take care of the husband and children, no time for window shopping, each days are filled with house chore, pumping water from community tap, going up and down the house which shared by five family..some of them will bath in 'pukeri' aka big pond (air mati)which surrounded their villages, the source of this water is not from normal underground source but from rain water..green algae is a common sight. But most of them hardly being infected by skin diseases, God give them something that we don't have.

The day I was leaving I thought that I'm not going to cry, maybe tough enough..but I was crying like a baby and hug them like we never gonna met again. I can't forget their sacrifice and I can't pay their good heart with anything except my pray..
Bod Babu face still coming, I hardly spoke to him..

To my hubby : If you read this, I just want you to know that I really love you and appreciate what we have and what we don't have yet..really treasure the moment spent in Calcutta meeting your fathers side for the first time and hope there will be next time for us..