Road to Recovery

Life is full of colours and come in different shades, people always associates rainbow colours with happiness while shades of grey or black with darkness, sorrow and even death. I guess I'm in that grey zone now, its gloomy. We never knew what will happen until it really happen and we need to cope with it. That is what happen since last few days but if feels like everything happen too fast. Its just you are served with so many things and you can't really digest everything. He complaint about his fever since at Cheringin Resort, we thought that its a normal fever. When we met at UTM, he seems to be showing normal symptom of fever. We went to a clinic on Saturday but until Sunday his condition is still the same, high temp with vomit. We when to Emergency Department Hosp Putrajaya and was diagnosed as dengue fever, he was observed for few hours. I received a call from him at 2.30am saying that he's discharged. In a sleepy mode, I drove to Putrajaya and surprised how can they let him go just like that.

We when to KK Putrajaya the next day and was referred to Hosp Putrajaya again. By that time he was so down, in pain..It's hard seeing him like that. After almost two hours, he was admitted to Ward 4A. And the journey began from there. He can still smile, talk to me but not his usual self. He could hardly eat and drink, I spend time with him until midnight. I left the hospital with a heavy heart. But since its dengue fever, I thought that he'll be like other people. On Monday morning after the kids sent, i cook crab soup for him. Clean the house and wear a proper attire and put on my make up as he don't like seeing me messy without any make up..:) Friends were there at lunch time, he could only eat few spoons of rice and soup. After less than an hour, everything is out. It's almost like in-ou-in-out process. I know it must be really painful when you have to force things out from your stomach. His temp by then was up and down, hot and normal at interval time. He looks different, he's restless, he's not him to my eyes. His friends from HQ came and make a joke. But that wont make him happy, at that time he's like struggling inside to cover the pain.

I left at 5pm to fetch the kids. By 9pm he already sms and said 'I need u'..by that time I know that he's not in good condition. After rushing with dinner and left the kids with a heavy heart as well, I reached the hospital. His body temp was still high, I brought white towel to dab his body. He keep on vomiting and by 10pm the temp was 40 degree. Suddenly he asked me to choose one answer. I asked him which answer, he said A or B. I choose A, and he asked A is for what?...I said for Allah but he said No, its a riddle. I was a bit puzzled.

He was talking like normal again, and then he asked me to choose again A or B. He said if I solve that riddle, his stomach pain will go away. He asked me to press A, click enter button and move the cursor. I was so sad coz he seems to be confuse, actually his mind play tricks on him. I called a friend and cried, I need someone with me at that time. Family was informed about his state and they also tried to solved the so called riddle. The nurse asked him few question about the riddle, and when she asked him where he is, he said his in a forest..My heart broke at that time. I was scared...I keep on cooling down his temp, and he told to me to click on Mokhtar's answer..Ohhh it was so scared and sad looking at him in that state. Doctor came and checked, and she told me that he's confuse now due to the heat. By that time he was already given oxygen through tube. After further check up, he was transferred to Acute room and a mask was put on to help his breathing. He had difficulty breathing due to coughing. He cant just lie down or sit, every thing seems so wrong and uncomfortable. The temp was still high, the heart beat was too high and the oxygen level was decreasing. I pity him................ After around one hour:

The level of oxygen was under 90, it was a bad sign. Doctor keep on asking him to wear the mask properly or otherwise he'll be transferred to ICU alone without me. He try to used it properly but he seems so stress looking at the machine and many numbers on the screen. I old him not to look at the numbers at all. By that time his BP was increasing again and oxygen drop to 80. I was nervous as well.. By 3am: He as sweating, hardly breathing and the oxygen keep on decreasing to below 80 and NS was informed and it was a really hard situation to look at. I was informed that he need to be sent to ICU. He was like struggling..I don't know how to describe. By 4am we were already in ICU and it was a different ambiance and urgency. He was placed on another bed and while the doctor explained to me about his worrying condition, the other medical staff was cutting his orange DOSH t-shirt..I can't look at him anymore, its like cutting my heart. He need urgent rescue and he was struggling breathing..i could say that he looks a like fish..Ya Allah.... ..I was asked to wait outside..and I wait and wait and confused..guilty, sad..everything...informed family members.. I was sitting in a small waiting room...feeling alone..total loneliness... After one hour, I was called by doctors. 2 doctors with me and Dr Hisyam asked me with a serious face ..'what have i know about him'..and I told him everything that I know chronologically, about his medical history etc...AND he told me that my husband's condition was critical and its negative dengue..BUT maybe malaria or leptospirosis. I heard with calm and try to be strong..tried to digest the new and scary info. Doctor said that his chance is only 50/50 and if he survive he might have brain damage or stroke. I don't know how I feel at that time. And he asked me to call family members to visit him. ...AND the journey just BEGAN.........