My express lunch

I had a simple lunch today, just a cup of Lipton tea and mushroom soup, not that I'm on diet or what coz I'm skinny but not as bad as Jodie Kid. Sometimes it's hard to choose a place to eat in Summit. It has been two years and we have been dining at the same old place with the same dishes and the same waiter. It looks like this building are dying slowly, all space has been converted to restaurant or food kiosk and mostly are Chinese food. The only decent place are Secret Recipe, Starbuck and Black Canyon plus three fast food joint.
Back in Alor Setar, I could spend only RM3.50-RM4.00 on a big portion mixed rice including drink, but here that amount is nothing...I can't wait to go back this weekend, nasi tomato and roti arab kapitan plus rojak padang kota are waiting for me...Happy holiday and Awal Muharram

R.I.P....

I don't know whether it's just my feeling or what. its been 2 years after that unforgetable experience at Park View apartment, Kelana Jaya, I sometimes still afraid of shadow and still cover my face with pillows and I need to cover my feet with a blanket as well (old folks says it was 'badi'..I don't know..), and I still anxious whenever I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth; because that was the last thing that I did that horrible nite before I go to bed.
Nov 2003 (Ramadan)--SS 5A:
I just moved in to that house that same nite after looking around SS5A for a decent room with nice housemate. I was so desperate to move in and I thought that it was a good choice renting a room and staying with a family of three instead of staying with other tenant. She's a single mother with one daughter age around 20 plus and a boy age 11 or 12, and I don't know whether she's working or what but what I noticed was she had full wall of souvenirs from oversea and a big aquarium. I assumed that she was an educated person from the way she talk. After explaining about house rules and everything, I ask her permission to go out to meet my friend at nearby restaurant and I promised myself that I will come back before 12 o'clock.

so, after few drinks of tea and plain water at mamak restaurant, I excuse my self due to my promise to impress her even though my friend insisted me to stay a bit longer. Almost 12 midnite I entered the house, and I saw her bedroom door half open with the lights still on. I thought maybe she's still waiting for me,so I went straight into my small room, changed my dress and went to the bathroom to fresh up. I still saw her door half open and I could hear her coughing. I just knew that the three of them stayed in one room, I wonder why coz there are another two room. But then I didn't bother much because I was terribly sleepy. So there I was laying on my back looking at the ceiling and thinking that this is the best room I have ever rented with full furniture, swimming pool (even though I can't swim), helpful security staff and I felt secure that nite and I thought that I could have a good sleep compared to the last 3 months.
I was still at my semi-concious state when I heard a strange sound outside, it was like people talking and crying at the same time and a girl's voice pleaded for something. At first I thought that lower floor resident was fighting, but then I realised that the sound actually came from our house. Oh God, this is bad, I thought that she abused her children, I was so scared and still hear them crying and I pray to God that she wont hurt them ...Suddenly somebody knock my door hardly and calling me..'kakak!!kakak!!..Now what??..I wasn't sure whether I should open that door or not, but her cry made me open the door..And all she could say was..'mak....', I rushed to their room and I saw her laying on the floor with blood everywhere and suddenly a bubble of blood came out from her mouth..!! I was panic, scared, it was a mix emotion, I don't know what to do and I ran outside of the room crying out loud..I can't think of anything, what to do? Should I call somebody or go back to her and do something..?My heart was beating so fast as my tears running on cheek..I went back into her room and we tried to lift her, at that moment I think she was still alive but we don't have the strength so we left her at the same spot and I noticed the bathroom floor was flooded with her blood..I asked her children to stay with her while I call ambulance, my fiance and security. Its unfortunate for us because the private hospital can't send us an ambulance, and it was hard to explain what actually happen at that time..We were still panic but I managed to asked for help from neighbours (we are the only Malay at that floor),when they came in and saw her on the floor most of them just say..'aiya!!'..They refused to carry her to the living area, God!!At that time I know that we need to live in our own community if not 100% at least few.
I managed to composed myself when the neighbours came and I told them that I will bring my car and we'll send her to the hospital no matter what, I've laid old newspaper in my car and rushed back upstairs. By that time she has left us, I checked her pulse and her feet was so cold with her mouth still covered with blood. I just knew at that moment that their father just passed away one month ago from her son who cried.." mak..jangan tinggal kami, tunggu raya, bapa pun dah pergi, kami tak ada sapa lagi.."It was so touching to see a little boy crying for his mother..
paramedic came about 40 minutes later and they confirmed her death..It was hard for her daughter to accept but her son was so calm, he just proceed to pray and at that moment he look like a grown up who are so strong. Few family members came afterward including 2 policeman, they asked about the incident and I've showed them the bedroom and bathroom and gave brief explaination..It happen too fast. After they arranged to bring her body to her brother's house, I felt lost..Don't know where to go, should I stay or should go somewhere else. I called my friend and asked her permission to stay at her place that night, by that time it was already 2 o'clock.
I informed her nephew that I'll collect my stuff next few days after everything are in order.
I left that house around 3 o'clock without knowing her fullname, her daughter and son's name. I only knew that she's from penang and I knew that she's in peace now. I went to my friend's house with only one small bag, all the way to her house I was still crying and shocked! It was all blank, I can't think properly and I kept thinking that I should have help her, or be by her side and at least teach her to 'mengucap'. During sahur, I found it hard to eat especially the sardine gravy, coz to me it look like a blood...
I slept that nite with the light on and surah yassin on my chest, I can't closed my eyes, I was so scared...
around 8 o'clock I woke up and found that my friend has left for work and there I was alone. I can't even look at a mattress or a bathroom coz it reminds me of her house. I quickly took a shower and left for a clinic. The doctor said I might recover after two weeks or else it might last longer maybe few months or years.
that whole week I was so lost, I can't really sleep and its hard to perform at work, I could suddenly cry while driving with no particular reason. I still regret that I didn't help her much.
but now after two years, I've fully recovered even though sometimes it will cross my mind. I hope that she rest in peace..Al- Fatihah, and hope that her children will be strong enough..

safety and health in workplace

like it or not our work is everything and it takes most of our time, 8 hours a day, five days a week, for twelve months minus public holiday and weekend. we spend most of our time thinking about work even on weekend we have started planning for Monday. therefore office environment is important no matter how big it is, wether it is a shopbouse, office tower or home office. we spent so much time in this environment which sometimes could effect our health without noticing it, a good office should provide ample space and are well planned to accomodate number of staff, filing and storage, discussion area, pantry and a welcoming lobby. the way we work, how we produce idea and looking for inspiration are sometimes based on this factor, especially for those who involved in design work. i have seen some office who dont even have any view looking outside except for partition, and spacing between each cubicle are too near, with boxes of files and drawing at every corner. so i guess i'm quite lucky coz our office still have a view towards Jalan Kewajipan which are very congestion everyday. one thing that i don't really like about this building are their central cooling system which sometimes are too cold and there times that it smells weird like the air have been suck from sewerage line..:-(
what make it worst is because of the location of this building, where it is surrounded by heavy traffic area which produced carbon monoxide plus smoke and unseen particles from nearby factories. so it is not a surprised when each month most of us will take medical leave due to flu, headache, stress and other unknown factor. there is a legal requirements regarding safety and health in workplace which we can refer to in order to overcome this problem and at the same time creating a creative and productive environment. according to Occupational Safety and Health Act 1994 there are guideline to comply as below:-
-provided or maintain equipment and systems of work that are safe and without risk to health ( some architect firm require their employee to do printing which contain ammonia (blue print) which are a chemical hazard
-ensure that equipment and substances are used, stored and tranported safely and without risks to health
-provide information, instruction, training and supervision that ensure the safety and health of employees
-maintain their place of work in a safe condition including entrances and exits
-employers must also ensure the safety and health of visitors to the workplace.

Adaptation

i'm supposed to paint yesterday but haven't started even a bit, or try to compose anything,.. i was stuck infront of tv watching this interesting movie starring Nicholas Cage and Meryl Streep, the story is about adapting things from other people's life experience: a screenwriter who struggle to adapt a best selling book on 'orchid hunter' ,who adapted the story from a real life of obsessive orchid hunter-'John Laroche'..it is really interesting to see how we sometimes trying to be adaptable in certain or most occasion. there are times that we have to sacrifice in order to be acceptable by a group of people or by society or by our own family.
we have been practicing this adaptability behaviour since we were baby..we adapt to our surrounding, our culture, language, colours, smell..everything.
'we are the most adaptable animal'

Art Project for 2006

i have planned to finish a lot of pending works by weekend, cleaning the bathroom, sorting out bills and statement, do the laundry, read more about contract management, prepare for LAM renewal and PAM Registration, finish up drawing for house renovation, grocery shopping and the most important thing: painting

i used to paint a lot, but now it seems like i'm lack of inspiration, idea..maybe i should go somewhere, some new place maybe that will bring some interesting subject to paint. i wish i could paint more and explore new medium, i envy those who could come out with fresh and original idea.
i went to Petaling Street last week to purchased my art stuff: canvas (1 small canvas for my hubby who started to love art stuff), few tubes and i still haven't found 'halal' brush for my water colour, mostly in the market are made of 'non-halal' material...
practise make perfect, so i better start now instead of stuck infront of this pc.

express...xpress..?

i thought that i can have a piece of mind during the weekend, with no phone calls from the client, contractor or from my too-judgemental and sarcastic boss, but hey..some people just don't care, early in the morning the contractor just call me to collect a drawing today even though i've promised to issue on Monday...most of people in the industry rushing to complete their work before Chinese New Year in order for them to claim for payment. anyway, one think that spark my mind is the way the contractor talk, especially non-malay, sometimes they say something else but what they mean is totally different, like this morning conversation:-
contractor: itu berapa tingkat ahh?
me: (i thought that he was referring to the project? which is only one storey)..1 tingkat..
contractor: office you berapa tingkat?
me: (oohh...he was asking about my office..) tingkat 13 la..
contractor: isnin i datang pukul 10 ambik itu drawing..thank u ahh...

see...it makes a lot of different when we used a wrong vocab or miss even one letter...that is why people quarrel..i guess, because they way we express are not right for that particular moment and occassion..

i remember one incident last year, when we were just few months staying together as husband and wife, there are lots of things to learn about and from each other. i was preparing lunch, and my hubby request for 'air asam' (equal to sambal belacan), so i prepared the chillis, belacan and my cute mortar and pestle..i actually didnt really like using this hand grinding tools..its almost finish and he suddenly asked what are u doing? i said : u asked for air asam, so now i'm preparing this for u..and then he said..'no, i actually asked for masak asam,(which is fried fish with sour soup- mixed with tamarind juice, sliced chilli and ginger)....he said again..'u know me'..
yaa.. i know him well now..he always jumble up everything..what to do

staff evaluation

we have been given an evaluation form last 3 three weeks and nobody fill up the form until the boss called one by one..we are suppposed to rate ourself, evaluate our contribution, productivity,creativity..whatever..we are judge by the way we delegate our job, dealing with client and authority, diligent, precise,punctual and make less mistake..sometimes its hard to judge one's capability in a short period and from one job or project. architecture is a subjective field, there are many factors contributing to our performance, sometimes we have an interesting project but from not so strong client, who only depends on bank loan. its quite frustating when all our effort, not 2 or 3 months but a year has been wasted due to financial capability. therefore its fair enough not look only at the outcome but also the process.
i was called last two days and it was almost an hour 'evaluation session', the boss told me that all of us rate ourself too high..what do u expect? if we rate our self below 6/10 it looks like we have low self esteem, or not confident enough..well boss always think that they are right, no matter what. anyway i had express what i feel about that office and what i expect from him and the office and at the same time i will improve myself, 'be more thoughtfull'...hmmm