Salam Aidilfitri

Eid Mubarak / Salam Aidilfitri / Selamat Hari Raya..The Big Day were celebrated with smile and tears, happiness and sadness mixed up, but the day started off bright and clear just like this lovely bunga raya
This year was a bit different with simple celebration and less menu but with big baju kurung to accomodate my expanding tummy :-O



What could be better to celebrate the day is the sky is clear and blue and the ground is green, Alhamdulillah we were given another chance this year to enjoy and appreciate this moment










Third day of Aidilfitri, and the mission need to accomplished....ke bendang jugalah mereka, ditengah terik mentari terbongkok-bongkok mengubah semai..yang tua bekerja yang muda sibuk beraya, yang terpandang hanya dapat merakam.

whoever they are, we should be proud of them for their sacrifice, hardworking and every drop of their sweat


Orang ditengah bendang..tapi bukan 'orang-orang'



By this coming Aidiladha, the ground will change it's colour again and people will start fishing ikan puyu in the middle of the field and by that time I might be in different field struggling for the new year addition :-)

Wish and hope during Ramadhan

Ramadhan come and go each year with different memory and experience, and this year is nothing less, it is even better than before.Last two years when we attended Iftar with a bunch of friends, the scenario and ambience were different, there were time where there was a deep uneasy feeling, feeling left out especially when other people were busy introducing their pregnant wife or busy managing their kids on the table. That bonus question was something that I don't like people to ask me coz I don't have the answer, all I could say was, 'Its God's Will'..most of the time I just sailed along and forget about just being 2 instead of 3 or more...

And today at the table I try not to hear the same question again being asked to other woman and I try not be the centre of attention. Pregnancy is the second best thing after marriage and we can't avoid all the attention, praise, greet and question from people around us but I can't bear looking at the other women who still trying for years and one who just finished her second cycle of medication.Coz I've been there......I know how it feels

The journey isn't smooth as we expected, some people will get it as they wish but some have to wait and still waiting. What makes me strong each day through out this rough journey is the thought that God will grant my wish sooner or later, and having a supportive partner and family are essential. I remember buying books of 'How To..'and never miss Discovery or Nat.Geographic channel on this topic and of course this simple programme - Anita, where they featured HRH Tengku Puan Pahang who had the same experience, I even wait for the repeat just to see her face and listen to her courage. There was one article about her and the TAFF in Prestige Magazine and I read the section not twice but many many times just to give my self, support, motivation and courage and stop grieving but appreciate Life coz they are people out there who are even worst.

For these women I hope they will be stronger and may their wish come true and never stop dreaming and asking from Him especially during this Ramadhan.

(Last week during Iftar hubby told me that last year at the same chair in our dining room he prayed for this Gift..and this year his wish has been granted, I almost cried when I heard about it)

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

It just 5 minutes before the break, but my tummy has started singing keroncong and other unfamiliar song, staring at the colourful meal makes it even worst and not to mention the aroma of laksa that makes our heart race faster. When the time came it usually started of with kuih and then heavy meal until my tummy bloated like a melon.
By 8.15pm we are ready with telekung at the madrasah, most of the time the madrasah were occupied by elderly who have to climb up that steep staircase.And the men used an old curved concrete staircase.The small madrasah could only make up 4 saf for women, so most of the time I was pushed to the corner next to the window and could hear the 'tok tok' sound clearly when the call for Isyak prayer.
Most of these women will also bring their grandchildren and that was the time when we get to know each other.One thing that I like being in this madrasah is the smell of fresh flower normally bunga cempaka or what my grandma used to call - 'bunga chempa', they stuffed it inside their telekung maybe as a replacement for perfume and they also wear a fashionable 'bedak sejuk' on their face :-)
Everytime before we start out terawih prayer, Bilal will called out loud 'Safff..',a reminder to all to keep a close distance while praying rather than leaving a big gap, he will also asked the boys to proceed to the back but most of them will only play not pray.

..That was in the 80's, when most of the women that I met was about in their 50 or 60's and now living in Putrajaya, the scenario is different, no more sweet scent of 'bunga cempaka' and 'bedak sejuk'.We have a big mosque here with intricate design and motives on its dome and interior and the space is spacious where it could accomodate thousands of people. A grand interior and high decorative ceiling can't beat the warm and cosy even sentimental value of old madrasah.This mosque was design with many considerations in mind but it still failed to provide the comfort especially its ventilation, where central cooling system doesn't work well here, therefore many stand fan need to be provided and this lead to a big gap of Saf. People will comfortably find a space directly behind the fan, and when the prayer start they don't care to move forward, some will who understand will definitely change the position.


Things are different, this is not a small town where people know each other, no more hugs and kisses on cheek after the prayer, no sound of grandfather's clock in an old madrasah...But I will try to do the best since this is the first time Ramadhan and Terawih with a litle one inside kicking during the prayer.

Hijau Kuning Tanahku..

Kuala Sala, Kedah Darulaman :

When we were small going back to Tok's house in Kuala Sala were not something that we look forward mainly because of the transportation, there's no bus service in that village, that means the bus will drop us infront of the mosque and we have to walk for about 15 minutes to reach Tok's house. Along that short journey we will be greeted by ayah's relatives and friends and sometimes our journey were interrupted by cows who lazily lepak in the middle of the road.
For us it was really a very long journey but I realised now that I should not regret it, that was when I have the opportunity to discover a lot of things that could not be found in Alor Setar.
Kuala Sala is just a small village where houses were built parallel with the only main road that connect them to outside world. Each houses are facing the road and at the back are acres of paddy field, the best part of Tok's house is there's a small river after the paddy field and only a few meters walk we will reach the beach.
This small river is the important system for paddy field. There were many coconut tree at the back of the house that leaning towards the sea, and we will climb and sit on it while enjoying our freshly cut sugar cane.....so sweet and juicy
This used to be my favourite area, this is where we play 'masak-masak' with my late aunt, we used hibiscus bud as chili, and cooked using coconut shell, this is also where I seek peace and hide from pain when I fell from the 'pangkin'(platform) while playing 'batu tujuh' with my cousin: Sharmi (Simah kenal kan..), Bani and twin Shoni and Shaki.I had a big bump on my left shoulder and was sent for traditional massage and it was so painful...:-(
In order to reach the paddy field we have to cross over few grave stone hiding in a bushes, Tok said "tu kubuq orang lama-lama, takdak apa aih.." but who wants to believe that? especially me who love to think that it's spooky..when the night came, we wil sleep with Tok and Ngah inside a kelambu while Tok will tell stories about her neighbours,it's kinda spooky because the only sound that we could heard is the waves and her low tone voice, she didn't scared us but the way she talk make me want to hide inside my blanket and fall asleep as fast as I can.

These are our precious supply of fresh coconut juice and milk. I like the way it grow reaching up to the sky, and here you are feeling small and scared, scared that the tree will get angry and start shooting it's cannon coco ball..

I think my interest in planting is inhereted or developed by my surrounding especially here in Kuala Sala people plant the same thing, it is a common sight, purple and green/yellow sugar cane, pelam sala and guava were plant at the front portion if the house, while colourful hibiscus will line as a fencing. Sometimes my grandpa (Wan) will brought back crushed seashell from his fishing trip and poured along the fencing and the entrance.
This lovely flower is a hit among kids where we could suck the juice, it comes in different colour.

When the place is dear to your heart, this is what you do, built a mosque and name it after your mother or father, this was built by Tan Sri Tajudin Ramli, the floating mosque with picturesque view of the sea..

Now living in concrete jungle seeing only grey sky makes me appreciate and looking forward to experience kampung life again, the last Merdeka trip while driving next to 'tali air' I saw an old man washing his shoe and an old wooden bridge waiting to fall down,not far from him there were kids fishing, laughing and enjoying their own game.
It was all green and green landscape with Gunung Jerai standing tall and proud complete the whole picture. I will come back when the next season start, who said we don't have four season?, in Kedah we have different season and the landscape change from island view, to serene green and then it turn into gold and finally light brown with smokes in the middle of the field.

I love the sun, the sea ,the moon, the waves...

The leaves swayed, the sun is going down and sometimes hiding behind the cloud, the birds fly......and I could only captured this moment and share it with everybody

Intermission - Alor Setar

A travel journal during Merdeka Holiday.

Around town - Rumah Kelahiran Che Det. Jln Kilang Ais:

entrance to Dr.M's house in JLn Kilang Ais,Sbg Perak, Alor Setar. This area has become an exhibition complex with additional building to house further display item and info. This is the first time i visit this place even though our house is just 10 minutes away :-)
The verandah is a typical element found in this area where it act as greeting point.

rattan chair in Living area, the house is well ventilated with enough fenestration and fixed timber Louvered.

kitchen and preparation area with rack (para).The house divided into several main component: verandah, living, one bedroom (rumah ibu), guest room, kitchen and dining and a small washing area. Kedah house are different from others mainly on the composition and heigt as well as architecture, where houses were built one storey higher due to geographical condition and the culture itself.The lower ground normally will house 'reban ayam' bathroom and act as an open storage and preparation area.









Pekan Rabu:

One of the oldest market place in Alor Setar, situated aLong Jalan Tunku Ibrahim and next to Sg Raja, this complex has gone few renovation and extension since it was first built.Local and traditional item from food to cloth, cutlery, couLd be found here as well as stuff from Thailand like snacks and matt. The price are a bit expensive that why the owner could where big chunk of jewellery :-)


can anyone guess what these white balls are??

The other side of the world: Part 2

Lets take a walk trough Kolkata town:

Kolkata map
further info : link
history




Cable Bridge (Vidyasagar Setu)


Howrah Bridge
Another historical bridge in Kolkatta crossing the Hooghly River, we were not allowed to stop by and snap any photo,so go to this this site for interesting history of the bridge :Howrah




M.P Birla Planetarium at Jawaharlal Behru Road - one of the largest single storey planetarium in Asia with Indian Architecture and imitation of Buddhist stupa


Interior of lobby area







Old building under conservation works using wood scaffolding


one of colonial building



Typical houses in Kantal Baria Road, Calcutta where it houses 3 or 4 family with clay roof tiles and mud floor. Most of the houses were built with bamboo as rafter and low roof with no ceiling. One courtyard is shared by these family.


Clay brick

The other side of the world: Part 1...ctd

This is how it looks like before houses were built,there are parameter wall to demarcate each lot. the place that we stay used to be like this some 30 or 40 years ago. Next to it is a double storey house under construction, the steel bar will be left jutting out from the roof for future extension, i'm sure about the foundation of the building, whether they consider it or not.

Pukeri or pond with stagnant water and no overflow pipe or discharge, source of water, some who can't afford process water from authority will depends on this for washing, cleaning, bathing..there are even big fish in this pond, but you should know to really clean it otherwise the taste is unimaginable.


Notice how the women dress and how skinny the kids are, except for one family who are a bit wealthy. this is the entrance to Bhod Babu house, there is a gateway at the back leading to his house and other houses. The yellow house on the right side is the dhorji and Ghoro(Bhod Babu's son) house on upper floor. This is the only space which wider and the place where they greet us the first time and say goodbye. There is one water pump for the family here on the left side, imagine they carry the water up and down the house including one pregnant lady..pity

Women usually eat separately from men, where they need to serve their father, husband or uncle first. So here were women from two different world getting to know each other in Bhod Babu's room. We had a visitor that day so many food were served most of it were too sweet for my taste.

View from roof top towards the courtyard overlooking the pond.




Street vendor selling puchka serve with sour gravy that looks similar to budu, I don't dare to try coz he used his bare hand to insert the gravy inside the puchka. Puchka is a hollow fritters (?) made of flour and deep fried. If we think about hygeine and cleanliness then, India (not all) is not the place, people come here for the culture and history and the adventure and mystical as well as colourful landscape





Orange juice mixed with serbuk asam, so refreshing,they normally used 4 oranges to produce one glass of juice. This is in Calcutta town during our shopping spree.

The other side of the world: Part 1

As requested by Simah:

These entry is a glimpse into Benggali culture living in Calcutta based on my own personal experience and not a thorough research.

I think I shall start with the people themselves, we in Malaysia used to call people with turban as Benggali, but actually they are Punjabi(Singh / Kaur) and their origin are from Punjab, a different part of India. Benggali are from Kolkata or Calcutta, situated next to Bangladesh and Nepal.Their language is of course Benggali not Hindi,Tamil or Urdu, different part of India have different unique culture and so does the people, their skin, the language, their food, economic almost everything.

Some of them looks like Nepalese and Malaysian with brown skin tone and women still wearing sari and men in loongy (pelikat).Even though they wear white shirt or sarung it looks pale and greyish due to dusty condition and the water quality.

The place that we stayed was in a village near Bartala (a trading area with port)and I referred it as Chota Masjid Village (chota means small). Calcutta used to be British administration centre and then under Communist, so there are still evidence especially graffiti at shop lots. Bartala is so crowded and far from imagination. You could hardly see this in a movie except for Discovery/ N.Geographic documentary, if there is any. There are people everywhere and the ration is almost 40 people per one car on the street!!The road is in bad condition with no proper drainage and garbage collection point and people pee almost everywhere.

My FIL brother's house (Bhod Babu, Bhod means Big -> so big uncle) is only few minutes from this street and the car need to pass by a narrow road, at first it wasn't a great ride coz I was afraid that it could dive into a pool, there are pool (puker) everywhere in this village. This village is different from what we see in Tamil movie with buffalo walking slowly in a green field, houses with big lawn, but one similarity is one house is filled with 2 or 3 family.

It used to be a green field with puker but when the population increased houses were built closed to each other with 2 floor to accommodate extended family, besides most of the villagers are related.There are houses that separated only by 1 meter gap with no perimeter drain, no gutter and no toilet! Some who could afford might invest on this otherwise go naturel..But we were very lucky, Bhod Babu's house has been extended and upgraded to Malaysian requirement by my FIL, he don't want his menantu too feel kekok and face any difficulty.

Most of the houses are flat roof, the reason is when the son got married he will have to stay in that house and since land is scarce he need to go vertical. These flat roof is also a dry yard with 6 meters colourful sari hung from the rope down the first floor and a playground for kids especially for kite season. I don't know whether you could imagine this but it was surreal and beyond expectation..too far.

They are poor people but with warm heart and good hospitality, only men are allowed to work especially as tailor,helper at dhorji while women have to take care of the house chore. There are many dhorji inside the village but it wasn't a proper shop some are just 3 wall with a curtain to hide their design. Every month they will sell their product at a bigger market where traders from all over India will come. Some women do involves in this trade but they work from home with small amount of wages. Their bedroom is their storage, some even worse, one small room with 3 people from 3 generation living in a dark room which is their only bedroom,living,dining, and work space..there is no mattress only thin matt, I saw this with my own eyes the day I went to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye

Parting


THERE'S no use in weeping,
Though we are condemned to part:
There's such a thing as keeping
A remembrance in one's heart:

There's such a thing as dwelling
On the thought ourselves have nurs'd,
And with scorn and courage telling
The world to do its worst.

....

part of a poem by:
Charlotte Brontte (i'm not good in poetry, so I just cut and paste :-)

It is hard to say goodbye, but I have to let her go, after three years being my companion and now she's leaving, I know she's in a good hand of my own family.
She have been travelling with me from Kedah to Johore,from highway to ferry cruise and she almost carry a dead body when I was panic. Now I kiss her goodbye.













(thanx kinat for the photo)

Sky

.."look up to the sky and and all you see is rain, but when the clouds has blown away the sky is blue again.."
Miss Sally (SNC) thought us this song, an oldies with lyrics been modified to suits us..

But when I look up to the sky today after the rain, the sky is still grey and gloomy and hazy. Its been almost two weeks now and there is no improvement, there were times that I keep on blaming Indonesian authority for not doing enough to overcome this problem. Deep down inside I'm worry that if it keep on going like this for more than four times a year, just imagine the long term effect on us especially people with asthma and babies. Maybe this is a test not only for Indonesian who suffered from earthquake, tsunami but also a reminder to us. Maybe there things that are wrong going on ..I don't know, I'm not Nostradamus..but as human being and a Muslim I believe that there is always a reason.

May tomorrow be better so I could see the clear blue sky again.

Sick

Nothing interesting to share and last week was spent on bed with hair covered with air asam.Hopefully my little one inside is doing fine.Insyaallah. Cobbaaann...

Susah dan senang : Merantau ke Deli

Sebelum
"Demi Allah saya akan melindungi engkau Poniem!Dan biarlah Allah memberikan hukuman yang setimpal kepada saya, kalau saya mungkir"..

Selepas
"Kau boleh pergi dari sini! Kau orang Jawa!Boleh turutkan orang Jawa, kau boleh kembali ke kebun! Sebelah mata saya tidak boleh pandang pada kau lagi. Pergilah dari sini, mulai sekarang saya jatuhkan kepada engkau talak tiga sekali. Pergilah!"

Things change with time,people change with so many reason and sometimes reason that are hard to swallow, bitter..and the sweeteness and excitement of love will just fade away. This a an extract from : Merantau ke Deli by Hamka (2002)Maybe some of us have read this book but I just finished it today after spending two day concentrating only on this book :-)

It happens everywhere in every culture and love and marriage is a sacred bonding that need to be build each day not only the first 7 months or 7 years..but forever. I have the courage to finish up this book not because of the thickness (181 pages) but it reminds me of my own friend who are still in this chaos of finding a solution to bring back the light to their marriage, at the beginning everything was so perfect with rainbows of colours and now there are only dark cloud and waiting for a disaster.

This is a good book as a guide in not only marriage but also culture where people sometimes blindly follow and push themselves hard just to please these unreasonable expectation.

"Demikianlah keretapi itu mengerjakan kewajipan yang wajib dipikul setiap hari, mengangkut dan menghantarkan, membawa dan memulangkan; baik yang berhasil maksudnya merantau ke Deli, atau yang datang kosong pulang pun kosong. Banyak yang telah pergi tetapi lebih banyak jua yang datang. Banyak yang putus asa lalu pergi, kemudian datang kembali, kerana ada pepatah orang yang telah lama tinggal di Deli : "Jika sekali air sungai Deli telah diminum, nescaya akan datang lagi dan minum lagi."

Sastera dan sejarah

Based on one research that I heard on a radio last week, women are smarter when they are pregnant..? maybe because of motherly instinct that we need to nurture, educate, cherish and love the child ,that turn a mediocre women into smarter one..I wish that it is true and I want to believe that I'm turning towards the same phase.

I just finished two books by A.Samad Said- Di Hadapan Pulau & Sungai Mengalir Lesu; the scenario and context are almost the same, revolved around suffering and hardship during Japanese occupation. It was told thru a different perspective and it was all well written. The first time I read Pak Samad books was in 1992 right after SPM and I managed to complete reading 5 of his books in three months (Salina, Langit Petang, Hujan Pagi, Sungai Mengalir Lesu and my favourite - Daerah Zeni).and also Shanon Ahmad's.I don't think whether I could have the same motivation now.

Those two books were actually not in my reading list, it's supposed to be The Fountainhead, but after awhile I felt like I don't have enough time and I don't want to waste my time searching for far and foreign literature when at the same time I don't know much about our local literature scene.Fountainhead is related to work so that could be finish up later.

My mini research are moving slowly now with 10 pages already in Words format and I'm getting more interesting info thru the internet. Next step is to contact Persatuan Sejarah Malaysia cawangan Kedah, MTPNK, Muzium Negeri and most important local people..people on the street, especially elderly..

Sweet and Sour

The season of the year has arrived, everywhere we go there are rainbows of colours, red hairy, green spiky and golden yellow jack..by the road side, at pasar tani, nite market..you name it..and this is the best time to pack your things and head back to kampung (especially for those who seldom have time to do it..?) jenguk-jenguklah orang tua di kampung..sambil penuhkan kereta dgn buah..;-)

Living in Alor Setar with no orchard and relying on pasar malam makes me excited when the season came. I remember when I was about 7, we had a visit from my granny who lives in Yan, she came with a gunny full of fruits especially mangosteen..she was too old for her age to take a bus ride all by herself..I hardly knew her and I think that was the last time I ever met her, and until now everytime i look at the purple fruit i will always remember her..semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atasnya.

Some people might hate the smell of durian but to me its heavenly..how can't we not enjoying this smooth yellow flesh with strong aroma? There are some with bright yellow and firm flesh,some with smooth and greyish flesh..there are also different names for these durian..some call it kucing tidur, maybe because of the form of each ulas. And the worst nitemare is durian with big white worm...yucckkk!!! I was told not to eat durian during this period, its too hot for pregnant woman..but different people will give different piece of advice..mom said ok..as long as I take it in small amount, but I just want to be safe.

I'm not an expert in agriculture but I think there are some species of fruit trees are common in Kedah especially nipah, this is not seasonal fruit and there are easy to find along river bank, the sweet white flesh are best enjoyed with it's juice in a hot sunny day.Has anyone tried nira nipah? there's one stall before plaza tol (A.S Selatan )selling fresh nira nipah.

There's one exotic fruit that I think hard to find now, maybe some of you might came across of this 'nanam' fruit. I knew about this fruit back in the 80's somewhere in Langgar, Kedah. It looks like guava trees but we don't have to climb or used stick to pluck it because it grows at the base almost touching the ground. We can't eat it fresh but best eaten as jeruk due it its strong sour taste..

Hmmm..how I miss my hometown and its exotic fruits..but I have to take care not to over indulged. From my MIL point of view, pregnant women or anybody who try to conceived shouldn't eat too much fruits due to it's acid level, even an apple! Contradict to medical opinion but it's up to us to whether to believe it or just to put it aside and head to durian stall..:-)

Parcel from Pg

For the last few weeks there was a chaos in Tg Tokong, everybody were thinking, cracking their head and rushing to courier service asking whether they could deliver this special parcel. They thought that they don't have enough time or maybe the recipient need it badly and urgently..But this recipient still have the patience and she could wait for another few months.

I received a phone call on Thursday asking me to go to one place in USJ9 to 'have' this replacement for the parcel that I should received from Tg Tokong, so on Friday during lunch time I went alone to that place and retrieved it..and it was totally different, but I can't complaint too much, just accept whatever come.

Received another phone call from Tg Tokong, another parcel is coming and I have to collect from the same place on Sunday..I've been waiting for this one and pray that it will be the right one.

Last nite my heart was beating so fast, waiting for hubby to collect my parcel..It was around 10.30pm and finally I got my long-awaited parcel..
..Sambal Tumis ikan masin with pajeri mangga...I had two plate of rice..legaa..Alhamdulillah harap-harap baby nanti tak meleleh air liur..;-)

And this morning I had the same meal while hubby drove me to the office..

How things has changed......

The best moment in life beside getting married and having lovely kids must be during our childhood time. Spending time studying and playing and make friend and being scold. I spend eleven long years in SNC - St Nicholas Convent (Alor Setar), a school where parents were dying to send their child in because of the system of maybe it was considered English school.

I entered SNC in the early 80's where the school church with pale looking nun were still around and we have to greet them whenever they passed by...'Good Morning sister..At those time they were many Serani student and most of them are good looking with long nice hair, properly dressed up with good command of English. I always fancy their English name : Elizabeth, Grace, Ann, Stephanie, Cheryl..and there were also Indian Christian with beautiful names like: Felomina, True Indian normally have these name : Nagarani, Telagawati, Bawani and a must have: Hemamalini, after famous Indian actress.

Those were the days when I always pretend that I was in English school in England !!(kecik-kecik dah perasan tu..)

We had a small school office for both primary and secondary, few small toilet cubicle for primary school with green field surrounded by palm trees and hibiscus, for secondary we had double storey building, pavilion, assembly hall, five nos. of food stall with 10sen drinks..and sister's house plus the church. There were lovely bell like purple flower blooming on a white trellis infront of their carporch. They also planted colourful carnation and few vege plants. It wasn't a Grade A school but it holds memory of thousands student.
It was the moment when Cindy Lauper, Bross, Alleycats rised to fame..and Abba and Carpenter song were recomposed by music teacher to suit us during music class.

Most of the system and orientation were into Western even though we follow Malaysian syllabus. English were compulsory, we even had an English Week, one will be find if she used even one Malay word and we had a class 'tulisan sambung' during primary maybe at standard 4..where you have to write an essay with proper italic font instead of one independent alphabet to construct a word.

that was then.....

this is the reality..a reality that hard to swallow..SNC is just a name, it is now Sek Kebangsaan and they have moved to other place with new modern standard design building, no more English style classroom with big doors. Things has changed to suit current demand and the old school is now just a abandoned building. Not really abandoned but taken over by some operator selling those cheap stuff..if you look at this picture from Google Earth: the green school field has turn into a pasar with blue tent..what a sad sight..the church is no longer there..no more purple flower..I did once comment in QOTH blog on related entry that 'i hate looking at the school now, it feels like looking at your ex..'
One day I passed by the road going to the roundabout and I notice that there were still few abstract painting at the corridor..the same old painting..I almost cried..

Terubuk masin and deep dark shaft

He arrived safely on Friday with tired face and dirty pant but extra luggage with sourvenirs, buah salak (pi jauh2 beli buah salak) and ikan terubuk masin. He was so excited telling me how he went to that huge site and how they went into 70 meter (at first i thought it is just 15 or 17 feet )deep dark shaft. I know it was his opportunity to learn and explore new things but looking at the photo and heard about their guide who almost faint because of the pressure down there and maybe lack of oxygen enough to make me nervous.

(*this is the only photo that i could attached, the rest kena minta permission dulu :-)

Before he came back I craved for ikan masin and now ikan terubuk masin is still in the freezer untouch ! dah depan mata tak nak makan pulak..any good terubuk masin recipe? or just fry with onion..yumyum

Super-Man

I'm not a big fan of any 'super'-man', man that could fly with his underwear outside from one tower to the other, or man that could transform his flat chest to a muscular and green body..but I do enjoy watching them..NO..I'm not going to give a review about the latest movie. I just wish that my hubby could be a superman.hehehe..

Minus the blue suit, I wish that he take extra care of his safety today while walking more than 15 feet down inside a tunnel in Bakun.
He will be inspecting one of the lifting equipment and other stuff, while writing this, he's still on the way to this site.

'Semoga semuanya selamat pergi dan balik"- from both of us in Putrajaya.

Up and down

Precious things are hard to get, but when you have it in a hard way you know that it's going to be like a big great thing compared to other valuable things in life. Here I am enjoying this moment and at the same time worrying about what could happen if I make one silly mistake.

The last few days was a nightmare..I noticed there was a pink spot and realized that it might be something abnormal, I just pray that everything will be ok and hope that God will give me a chance to sail smoothly in this new journey.

SUNDAY:

On clear Sunday morning we went to the emergency ward, I was so nervous..Few minutes waiting before the triage session was like days waiting for uncertainty. I was called to the other department alone..Laying on hospital bed and thinking and praying..After brief diagnosed I was send to O&G ward upstairs on wheel chair, and I heard the nurse called hubby..

Another session of painless experience but for me it was horrible..I'm a bit coward when it comes to hospital equipments especially needles.

Changed to bright pink sarong and waiting for MO while I pray for the safety of my little one...I was shaking mainly because it was too cold and I'm too skinny. I imagine that it's going to be an unpleasant experience..And it was at first but the moment I saw the image on the screen all those uncomfortable feeling fade away..Still small but I could see the heart beating fast..Alhamdulillah. That was the best moment for the first time seeing someone inside you.

MO said that nothing to worry, it just a normal thing..Syukur. I was discharged after 45 minutes investigation..

MONDAY :

Second antenatal checkup at a clinic, everything was fine except for my weight, I was supposed to gain around 0.5kg in one month in the first trimester, but I shocked to found out that I gained 1.0kg extra and the nurse mark it with red pen..I thought that I was underweight, so I keep on eating more carbo especially rice ,bread, thosai and noodles plus milk at night..hmm..Should take care of my food intake from now on. I thought that pregnant women should eat for two, but I was wrong, we should eat healthy food and gain proper weight.

I was smiling all the way to the office yesterday..

Careless

I left a bit late for work today, rushing down and by the time at the lobby, I realised thtt I forgot my car key..call hubby to pass the key and rush down again..lift stop at level 4, and there were one lady in her middle 20's with two small boys enter the lift(deep down inside I felt that she didn't care much about them, I don't know what it is but something is not right)..the lil brother look cheerful..thumping his leg and make faces..I just smile at these cheeky boy..he placed his right hand onto lift door and still playfully teasing his big bro..

The lift stop at level 1..and the lady still didn't care about that lil boy..lift door open and his hand were still there and stuck in between the panel and the door!!! He scream..and I shouted at her.."tangan tu..!!!"..she just quickly walk out and carry the crying boy..and the big brother was also panic.."kenapa kakak?"...I don't know whether she's a maid or their aunty, but one day if I met their parents I will surely report this.Not that I'm being kepoh but they need to know what is happening........or maybe the big bro has told their mom..

What if the worst thing happen? Only God knows..

..That L-shape room..

As a human being good sunny day, fresh breeze of air and a good view are essential things that enhance our life apart from other basic necessity. Imagine yourself in a room less than 70sqft, L-shape with one door and no window to enjoy outside view and no morning fresh scent..Can you put yourself in this situation? One need not to be a well educated or have any basic design knowledge to understand this..

But what if a person who have been in this business for more than 10 years and so called 'professional' and practicing architect as well as a principal with foreign training, with books around him all the time decide a design this kind of space????..A house is a space for people to live in..!!It is a habitable space, therefore it need to be pleasantly design, well ventilated and have ample lighting, complying to at least basic design standard and requirement and also authority requirement.

Some people are just stubborn or maybe they can't accept the fact that their idea is wrong..Even though you highlight and comment so many times..If he is just a freshie, I think that should be fine, maybe he's not sure due to lack of experience..But in this case; a principal who used to be a lecturer could design and trying so hard to defend his stupid and wrong idea..Even a dog house need a proper design..

Or is it just because that L-shape room is just for a maid and we think that she is just a worker who need to work all day and night..Double standard!!! His only judgement and statement is this: "they are supposed to be working, not sleeping.."..Maybe he should left his design table and his Lamy Pen..And stop talking s#*t about design principle..Go and do something else..And don't spoil the whole industry...

I'm not sad about our client's maid, but I'm sad because we have this kind of people who have a lot of money, went for oversea education, came back as a professional and practicing in this country and at the end making all the mess..And complaint too much about requirement, regulation, mindset, standard of everything..hampeh..

Even a homeless can define what is habitable space..........

Mech.

It is a good sunny saturday with blue sky and pleasant weather..not too hot but just good enough to start a weekend.Thank you fellow friends for the wish and tips.

I'm going to guide you into a journey of the other side of the world..and it's not going to be another piece on 'architecture', but something totally different. How many of us really know or understand about Mechanical Engineering or What does DOSH means (except people who are in this industry..)to some people including me, Mech.Engr is just a small scope or just electronic stuff and gadget and boring calculation. The whole perception changed when I first met my husband, through him i understand that it is more than just what i thought, it is a wider perspective and there are many branch and route compared to architecture (for example), you deal with building and interior design but of course you could divert into fine art or other major but that will take another years at uni to have a formal qualification.

I came to realised the reality of this when he joined DOSH (Dept.of Safety and Health) and it opened a window of opportunity to know more than what i perceived. If you are in Mechanical you can jump into building, oil and gas, lift and tower crane, UPV, hygeine and the list goes on..That means people who took Mech.Engr would have wider choice and better prospect after they graduate and no need to worry too much about economic slump. In my position right now, I'm concerned about current economic scenario because our industry are depending on financial condition and decision. If its rough time and the client think that they want to hold it until next year then i'm toast..!!Less work means the company will start looking for your mistakes and try to save their a^s by kicking you out...

Moral of the story is, let your children, niece, cousin, friends or whoever still searching for direction to try consider this field..it's really interesting and challenging even though there are certain area that are quite risky.

I too had a sleepless night when hubby said that he's going for inspection..if its just a newly completed conventional building, then no problem..but if he were to go to risky and flammable or explosive or hazardous place..all I could do is pray for his safety. (Remember the explosion at Fatty Chemical, Butterworth early this year..? this is what makes me worry..& Plaza Damas incident?)


Maybe this not a perfect post for a great weekend..too serious kind of thing

Nightmare

Is it a mind game or is it a sign..this has made me worry for few days..i keep on dreaming of the same thing in a different plot..or is it because i'm too tired. What shall i do?

Sunset: Putrajaya

Since i'm gonna spend the whole day at home today, i think i will indulged myself surfing and blogging..sampai muak!!





I'm very grateful to have a room with a view like this in Putrajaya, not only I could see hubby's office but more than concrete building, its the lovely sunset. I've post some photo few months ago, but these were took last month. I like the cloud formation, sometimes it turn into a funny form or character and it took just a few minutes to change into some other form.

I remember during my childhood time, laying on a wooden floor at my grandma's house with my feet on the window staring at the blue sky and lost myself in my own imagination..i imagined that the cloud will keep on changing to amused this little girl until she fall asleep..



note: Doa ketika memandang ke langit:"Allah jualah yang menciptakan langit dan buni, dan menurunkan hujan dari langit lalu mengeluarkan dengan air hujan itu buah-buahan untuk menjadi makanan bagi kamu; dan Ia yang memberi kemudahan kpd kamu menggunakan kapal-kapal utk belayar di laut dengan perintahNya, juga yang memudahkan sungai-sungai utk kamu (mengambil manfaat darinya). Dan Ia juga yang menjadikan matahari dan bulan sentiasa beredar, utk kepentingan kemudahan kamu, dan yang menjadikan malam dan siang bagi faedah hidup kamu" (Surah Ibrahim :14:32-33)

Part of a new chapter

Life are full of surprises and sometimes just like a thick novel (not Mills and Boone)..first chapter might be a bit slow or boring, and the next one might be more thrilling when the plot thicken...the last few weeks has been a mix of everything..of course good news that by now everybody..almost i think..have heard of it..it was a surreal moment for me, in between believing and trying to accept the unknown..Alhamdulillah.

The other chapter of the story is about my friend who are now in Mahkota Medical Centre, hospitalised for maybe three months with her wife- tragic accident on the 2nd June 2006, a car accident involving 5 cars somewhere heading to Melaka..they were badly injured, the husband broke his pelvis and the wife broke her femur..it was supposed to be a holiday treat for both of them but than turn out to be like this, wish they will get well soon..i heard from a friend that his Gen2 was damaged about 1/3..

These chapter is something new to me..a new beginning i might say, i always ended up with lack of sleep almost everyday, had a nightmare which i think is normal.. i'm not sure but did check in some books, which they said are normal because of anxiety, tiredness or maybe tak basuh kaki..hmmm, pantang tengok movie, CSI ke..pastu semua terbawa-bawa dalam tidur..and i tend to wake up around 4 am to p^^..memang macam ni eh..?..anyway i'm enjoying this new chapter of my life..Insyallah, hope it will be another 31 weeks of sweetness...

As for hubby, hahaa..his schedule has changed a lot to suit my time and condition, pi mai pi mai kat LDP (tol rm4 times 2)..no more tea at mamak's place after work and...he have to sacrifice a lot lately including his dragon boat practice and other outdoor stuff. Life change, love bloom..

Craving

Maybe this is how other people feel..or maybe i'm too homesick or too emotional or maybe too hungry..feel like crying...i wish i can have sambal tumis ikan masin (MIL Style) with tairu mix with onion and red chilli...

+ v e

How to solve those two entry:

First entry: the title is : T E S T: NILE FAINT...what test that u have to perform and the result will appear either definite negative or positive..or sometimes depends on the levels of the substance..if its still very low than the result is a bit blur... N I L E = LINE, FAINT = FAINT----->line faint?....rearrange and u'll got this : FAINT LINE

Second entry: title : TRAVERAMA : travel related story : yes,but not really a trip as in travel and tour..a journey from nothing to something, 0-->1,
transition and evolution : slim-->chubby, skinny--->curvy, small--->big,
close at heart companion : something inside you that is located near your heart physically and emotionally..a small thing..
when the time come : dengan izin Allah (what i wish for has been granted..Alhamdulillah..)
'T O N E' = note, faded hue has been replaced by strong colour: answer-->return to first paragraph of this entry.

Traverama

This blog is supposed to be a travel related blog, but along the way the train off track..salah track atau salah stationmaster atau salah kapten..tapi takpe, life is a journey, everyday is a new episode with different experience, we travel from one point to another..from single to a lifetime commitment..transition and evolution.. everything has been well planned for us, it is a matter of time. When the time come, only then it will begin..

And the time has come for me to grab my bag and enjoy the journey..a memorable travel experience will be documented and share with the blogsphere..this time around i will have a close at heart companion.

T O N E : faded hue has been replaced by strong colour (ada orang tu <S**AH> kena crack her head again...)

T. E. S. T

N I L E - F A I N T

..'T'

My mother call me today at 11.14am telling about my sister who is still on mc until today..she is supposed to be at the office by today,but seems like she need extra rest. To make things worst, we can't even call her handphone due to coverage problem in Jitra and her mother in law telephone is also the same..nobody pick up..when it comes to her, a fever is not just a normal fever..that is what made my mom worry..and there is still no news of her condition from her side.

Thalassemia is a disease which could not be cured, some kind of blood disorder inherited from either one of the parent who carry Thalassemia Minor. We discovered about this just few years ago, I think that was when she were hospitalised at Hospital Langkawi.

At early stage we didn't know anything about this big 'T',but she looks pale and sometimes suffer bleeding nose and has been hospitalised at tender age but the doctor could not trace anything..just doing test and more test.

The first time she had blood transfusion was in Langkawi, according to the doctors it was quite a surprise because normally patience will need regular supply.

I know that she is relying on Homeopathy treatment now, regularly goes to a clinic at Tanah Merah, Jitra..she needs to take care of her food intake, spicy food should be avoided as well as sour..iron is important but not too much of animal internal organ.

I don't know, I will try again to call them and hopefully my family back there could arrange to see her..All I could do from here is pray for her well being..

$ 3 \ / E 1\1...things to do

Nothing interesting to share this weekend, just plain and boring way of spending time alone at home..thought of going for shopping spree at Isetan..need a pair of those pointed shoe, i lost the black one..couldn't figure out where, been searching for it since last month..
hubby is still busy with his class,so forget about shopping, even a walk to Alamanda(few minutes away)is a hard task..
I have a long to-do-list but only few that i have started working on:-

1-Fill in my log book - 0.5 %done..
2-Painting project - awaiting for inspiration..;-(
3-Mini Research of Sbg Perak- 30% done, need more fact and info..
4-To buy a square pot - dreaming of having my own spice garden(ala Jamie Oliver's kitchen)
5-Books- to finish up : Fountainhead & Snow falling on cedars
6-Facial - i had a bad experience during my last session, the lady was too harsh and the cream got in my eyes and nose..what a painful experience
7-Travel - need to be by the beach..maybe Langkawi (kasi Simah jeles sikit..)

Its Sunday, seven minutes to seven o'clock and here I am, dreaming of a great escapade...

Balls and more balls...

..The game that unite the whole world, forget about the war, about racism, about palestin..the time has come- thru a sport that bring us together..?or making us (married couple)drifting apart (for a while).

The football fever has started..and yeah..as usual people are celebrating, promoting, making money and planning event that relate to it.

Last nite hubby told me that he and few of his friend has agreed to watch the final and celebrate the moment of victory with big crowd..not in Berlin but at mamak restaurant in Putrajaya, which will be at maybe 3 am..hmm, One of them even jokingly planned to wear office attire during the match coz for sure it's going to be a long event..teh tarik, watching the game, teh tarik again, finish, then discuss about the game..that will dragged their time..

There will be another important final match between 'Myteam' and Malaysian team end of this month..so another day of staying alone enjoying vanilla chocolate ice-cream while watching the same match..and trying to catch a glimpse of him..mana tau..kot kot lensa kamera terfokus kat depa...

When I was in secondary school, girls were into Gary Lineker (not sure the spelling), I think he played for England..then during Piala Malaysia and during the victorius season of Hijau Kuning team, names like Radhi Mat Din and few others were famous.
'Hijau Kuning' song were everywhere.."keeedah..kedah pantang kalah, walau sakit jatuh dan rebah..bangun lantas semula gagah..mujur lalu melintang patah.."..la ni macam terus rebah...tak bangun bangun dah..those were the days where green and yellow outfit will be a perfect combination and one would not feel ackward but full of pride...I was there back in 1993 at the airport wearing baju kedah and bunga manggar waiting for the player..hampeehh..

Time pass by and new faces replaced the seat specially brought in or bought from oversea : Adigoon and few other who I can't recall, the strategy was to inject a better combination thru these imported players.

As for international player, there were only few thatt catch the attention not because of the skill but..ehemm..look..like Alexandro Del Piero of Juventus and Henry of France, I wasn't into David-Spice-Victoria..too commercial..(p/s: to hubby-sorry dear if you read this).

All I could do is enjoy the experience, the memory and now just accept the fact that this moment only happen once every four years...lets get the jersey and the banner...!!!

Che Mah..

She were the best, the most understanding and open minded among all teachers. She open up a door to the unknown for the student in all girls school. She teached Maths, but the best moment spent with her was during Girl Guide session, camping or other outdoor activities. A plump lady with simple headscarf and a very big eyes..that is my Cikgu Che Mah..the best teacher one could ever have at times where rules are too strict and boys are monsters...

She was like a mother even though she was single, we..the girl guide look at her as if she is an angel..every Girl Guide activities are an opportunities to escape from boring classroom, mundane routine, snobbish prefect, sleepy history class..and the list goes on..I learn a lot from her, learn about the art of surviving out there, the harsh world..learn about social skill and communication..

In the late 80's, activities that include boys were considered a taboo..strictly a no no..(we were in Convent school)..then there came Cikgu Che Mah who lets the bird fly freely..its not that we want the freedom, maybe it was just human nature, curiosity and anxiety..the line has been drawn when we organise Kemporeka ( camping, contest, BBQ, Camp fire),but of course there were some who tried the cross the border..and that has became a target from more senior teachers..who then would complained about our so-social-activities..hmmm...

Our relationship with her extend beyond school hours, her terrace house infront of Istana Anak Bukit was the place to hang out and during Aidilfitri that was a must visit house.

The last time i talk to her was back in 1997 through friends who help me to find out about her and she was teaching at special school..and now the feeling of missing has come again. If i have a chance to see her, all I want to say is 'thank you'...and a big huggg..

Happy Teacher's Day..to all teachers out there who put their heart and effort and sacrifice..especially for those who are dedicated teaching deep inside the kampung..far from comfort.

Others who are still in my memory:
-Pn Rogayah - BM teacher aka mak datin - stylo, big hair and more into music than teaching..heheh..(Nurshila amin, ramlah ram..), her favourite word - 'lah'..
-Mr Lau -Art teacher - thank you for letting us used the studio as a hiding place
-Mrs Sharmala - the one who knock our head..@#@$#..;-D
-Mrs Tan - English teacher - how to pronounced 'th'..the front row will always will be showered with her 'air liur'..

h O o d h o t e r m - the code

Scene 1: That busy ant is feeling sad and left out despite her busy day juggling work task, from one place to another. She have been trying to be a Queen and start her own colony with a perfect mate..Until now her dream is just a dream..Everything are fine, so what is wrong with this ant..Maybe she should stop worrying about her work..Or maybe she need to take a break..Wait for another season for perfect timing to build her own nest...
_________________________________________________________________

Sometimes we think that life is not fair, the world is not fair..We expect things come our way just easily with no obstacle..Just closed our eyes and the wish will be granted..How simple and easy life could be if its just as simple as that. I believe that there is a reason of all this..Even though deep down inside I hope and hope everyday that one day that good news will be mine. Everyday is a countdown..The clock is ticking, time passed by..And its just the same..

Precious gift will come at a perfect time planned by Him, no matter how well we try to make it happen.

Maybe I need to look in different perspective, look into spiritual side rather than physical, anatomy, medical or psychology..Pray harder and be positive.

I'm lucky to have him who are supportive and understanding..

Not-a-masterpiece

A group of ants just come out from their hiding place and are now busy working around collecting stuff for the new season. The leader of the working group is cracking her head to come out with a better and effective plan to speed up their work..she work and work until she can't fall asleep and if she did, it was just a short one after the first few hours interrupted by nightmare....

That busy ant is me with thinking hat..been so busy since last month juggling too many things at one time...its the time of the year where things are moving faster than before,project which were so slow last year are now speeding up..not one but almost all..driving every week to Malacca has made me an expert tour guide..Alor Gajah, Bukit Katil, Bukit Beruang, Old town, Linggi, Ramuan China Besar, Pengkalan Balak..tiring but its worth it to see all those hardwork, effort and idea are now become reality, not only nice to look at on paper..(I wonder how the master designer of Giza felt upon completion of that masterpiece..?) ...they just want us to keep on wondering about their creation..clever..

Dreamland.......

I just need a good sleep................

Long distance relationship

I still remember them, still remember their warm hospitality and sacrifice..I know that it has been almost eight month now since our visit last year. Hubby and I sometimes still talking about them, cherish every moment we spend there..laugh at every jokes..and I did cry alone when I think about them. It is just a communication breakdown..long distance relationship.

Does it mean that we forgot someone when we didn't even give one phone call? Money and technology are not a problem, its all about 'language'.

Mama (my father in law) called hubby this morning and told him that Bhod Babu and their family keep asking about us and why we never call..not even once..? Why hubby and I never talk to them again...?

Language is a tool and sometimes become a barrier (what an excuse)..I only know few words and sentence, and hubby is not fluent compared to his brother. Benggali language is different from Hindi, I came across a grammar book for Hindi but not Benggali..

When we were in Calcutta, Mama and Mami will be our interpreter..I tried to speak and learn from one of the menantu there and jot down few words for my own reference, I even sketch a picture and ask their niece and nephew to help me with vocab..
Ghour = house, lal = red, upper = upstairs, mas = fish, chinglimas = prawn, bas = enough, kemano ha so = how are you?, balo ache = i'm fine, chota = small....see how poor I am..Spent 11 days and only few words that I grab..:-(
There are times that I simply speak bahasa Malaysia because I could not fine and construct any sentence..so we ended up being 'ayam dengan itik'..and sign language were useful at that time...

I understand how they feel..when you have a family who stay very far and could only meet once in 5 years, Mama left Calcutta when he was only small..in his early adolescent, left his family and relatives but I know his heart is still there. Each visit is like a final visit, we never know when will we meet again..isn't it sad..




Tonight will be the night, we will call them..shame on us..
maybe I should list down what to ask in Benggali with a translation, but what if they ask me back things that are not in my list..Hubby said: "cakap je apa-apa, dalam english pun takpe.." Come on, you can do it, this is not an examination..!!

I got 2A, 1B for my Bahasa during Oral Exam (SPM), 3A for English..so now I still have to learn new language, not one but two..going back to Penang and I shall tune to Tamil..(yena?, yare?,ayo yo ..;-)

Reality world of architecture

Alhamdullillah..things went smoothly after so many hard work and frustration. The next step is preparing myself and set a timeframe from now until 2007, the journey need to be continued, I just passed few obstacle and more to come...definitely.
Being in a male dominated industry makes people like me need to push forward harder, wiser with strategic plan and being competitive at the same time, but woman are just woman..the way we perceived things and handle stress are different, while male counterpart could just forget about it, we on the other side still thinking about it.

Creativity wise woman are at par but when it comes to technical stuff, we need to absorb more (not to generalise). I'm talking from my own personal experience where I always have the feeling of being just like them,competent, creative, independent..intelectual, rational etc..and the list goes on. Some people said that woman should have a better design flair due to our nature which are sensetive, loving and caring but the reality is way too far, being just creative or come out with excellent design is not enough. This scope is bigger than just drawing and sketching, it's a combination of art and sciences. The art of managing ourselves, communicating with clients and consultants, handling complaints and comment on our design are the elements which we hae to deal with and the sciences of it comes in technology of construction, methodology and production. Public perception to our profession are from what they see at the outer layer, where they think that it is glamourous, professional, well and highly paid..and mass media help to build this perception in tv commercial and movie.

In the last century, architect are master builder, mr-know-it-all, from fine art-design-detailing-engineering-anatomy-landscape-interior..people like Leornado Da Vincci,Raphael. Design and building requirement are different, specialiased field were limited and the client were less demanding.

Current world is more challenging, we can't just wait and see and accept whatever come our way, we need to move out and explore more, we are no longer inventor but much more like a copycat..study other peoples design, change a bit to suit the site, budget and design brief..

Since this is what I choosed to be, I will go for it..no matter what.

Roller coaster ride..

Things happen for a reason, life is not always turn out the way we want it to be.Sometimes the best thing could come out from what we thought bitter to swallow. Last week I was on a roller coaster ride at more than 110mph..feels like screaming out loud but my voice stuck half way my throat..blood rushed to my face..No, I wasn't at Genting or any fun fair, but stuck with b@$#^* people who never understand or bother to follow rules and regulation, and never want to admit their mistakes.

Here I go again talking about my work..but I just want to share it and make people undestand. Some people think that money could buy anything, maybe it has become a culture now in order to get fast approval they will go to that extend..buying and selling dignity. Following the right path to our destination is no longer required in this so called money-oriented-world, if you know other alternative access even though it is illegal, you just go that way..and to make it worst people behind the door would simply allow these people in and leaving the rest who used the old path to keep on waiting and waiting..until only God knows..it is not fair for the later who try to follow rules that has been set out. Is it fair for people who try to be on right track to take all the blame for not going off track like what they did...

To this people, local authority are just people who wants to grab some opportunity and easy money. Maybe some, but we can't generalized just because of one bad apple..

It almost passed my limit, I've been compromising a lot, following what they want..things are not in order, insufficient document, rules has been bend, and left only on paper..and I don't want to look like fool when I have to present things which is incomplete,half way done and everything totally jumble up..like rojak, pasembor, fruit cake....

It has cloud my life the whole weekend, thinking about what might happen today. I have projected what could turn out and after Subuh prayer I just pray for the best, I will take whatever come my way..even if I were given to take it or leave it.

Alhamdulillah..now its 5.40pm..I've overcome the obstacle, I've choosed my path and at the same without leaving any negative impact on anybody...its worth it to be patience and leave it the Almighty to open the path..
I will proceed working on it but on my own way!

Misleading route

Gospel of Judas:
I watch National Geographic Investigation on manuscript that believed as Gospel of Judas, and a team of expert and scholars were trying to proof that those are authentic manuscript. The way they reconstruct the whole story plot from where the gospel has been found,black market of antiquity, technique of carbon dating and putting these fragile papyrus paper together was great and outstanding with help of technology and of course big budget have been allocated for this investigation.

Gospel of Judas was thrown away by orthodox church who believed that Judas has betrayed Jesus and he was responsible for his suffering..This is the reason that they believes this gospel was hidden for a purpose of burying the truth of what really happen after the last supper.. As we all know there are too many version of testament, everything has been revised to suit personal interest. After the death of Jesus, there were gospel of Mark, Luke, Matthew (to name a few)that has been used.

For centuries Judas (pronounced as Huda) has been labeled as evil, bad and greedy, and through this gospel they found his so called true identity and what actually happen that nite, where Jesus knew that one of his disciple will betray him and he revealed the identity of that betrayer and asked him to proceed with his task and it shows that Judas was just doing what he was asked to do..To free a soul which trap in a body..?
In one of the dialog between Jesus and Judas..Jesus was addressing him as..'Ya Judas..' (sounds like ..Ya Huda = Yahudi).

Even though they have found that the manuscript are authentic, its content doesn't cover much about history of Jesus or what so ever but it does giving new dimension of Judas which I believe this documentary is actually just another propaganda of Jewish society which are scattered in America and behind of all these mega investigation. Whether its Gospel of Judas, Mark or Matthew or Who-ever, we should strongly believe that there is only one God and The Messiah will be sent to us..
Sometimes its hard to avoid all these intellectual, spiritual treat from our very own enemy which they try to do it slowly with careful planning, like a river flowing smoothly across the valley...This treat are nothing new in Islam, they have been trying and trying for centuries and we must be strong enough to overcome whatever coming our way..I am not good in this philosophy or tassawuf or religious matter, but this is the only thing I could share with fellow blogger..

For futher reading, I would suggest this book: Jerusalem in the Quran by Imran N.Hossein, its a good book..

Salam Maulidur Rasul to all..

P/S Please correct me if I'm wrong in translating the whole concept

My precious..

...precious gift from lovely husband on my birthday..thank you..
love you so much, may this year will bring us more happiness..

Hope and dream

..F R U S T R A T I ON..

Colours of Life

I'm always amused by any dot, splashes or stroke of colours, from soothing blue, to fresh green and mysterious black to feminine purple. Colours have been proved could be a therapeutic agent, or healing power.The substance believed could stimulate our mind and senses, from gloomy to sunny mood, from dark to bright hue.

Some believe that black is associated with evil, black magic, black metal, voodoo..Some creepy and dark world, but black also on the other hand could accentuated ones figure, that is why we have little black dress.

Red wether its chilli red or blood red is hot and sensual, people who wear red outfit normally considered as trying to seek for attention. It also reflect fast and furious action for example The red team of F1. In Benggali language red is called 'lal'=ang=merah.




Colour that we thought fresh is green, lime green, apple green, floresence green, neon green, PAS green..sometimes green is soothing to our eyes but at certain times its shocking and irritating, green was the colour for everything for the last 2/3 years, from wedding to house decoration people are crazy over this colour.Kedah is the best palce to see a changes of colour every few months, from musim membajak, menanam and menuai (harvest season).

All my life I'm attached to black, head scarf, shirt, pants, handbag, eyeliner, ring..I was the girl who people known as the one who always wear black, so it was easy to recognized me, but that doesn't mean that I live in a dark world or practised any black magic..its kind of safe feeling wearing this colour, and to me it looks strong and to be frank I like the idea of looking mysterious..the crow has inspired me a lot.. Been in this industry where colours play an important role, its interesting to discover new hue and tone, red is not just plain red or primary red: it could be earth red, brick red, heritage red, signal red..and blue are more than just the blue sky: they have baby blue, forget-me-not blue (suitable for a clinic-thanx to Dr Halim-Medivron Putrajaya), cobalt blue, ocean blue, coral blue..bukan otak b@%* sudah...;-)

There are times it's quite hard to choose and determined which colour could match each element, for women we have so many pallette to choose from smokey effect of eyeliner to clean and natural make up to couture concept, there are millions of shades to experiment with. Our life is never boring, so colourful.

I've come out from my all black closet since last two years..black is still my main choice but with a dash of other colour to brighten up my day, no more all black outfit with brown lipstick...

Sunday Morning

I woke up and couldn't find my handphone to check the time, the room looks cozy and I could feel a damp air inside the room..stroke my hand on the new bedsheet lazily..it feels like we have been sleeping in air-condition room, but to our surprised, it was actually splashes of rainwater..I walk to the window, staring at the road down there looking for evidence of early morning rain, the road looks dry like there was no rain pouring down for the last few hours....maybe its the material of the bedsheet, so I thought, and continue my sleep for another 30 minutes...